Desperately Seeking Something

So, having started this blog I feel like I should talk a little about the spiritual reawakening I am striving for. When I came home to Witchcraft and Paganism, I dove on in and studied everybook I could get my hands on. I had a friend and teacher/sounding board in my dear friend Lady Rhaevyn, but I was largely on my own. (There was little to no communication in the Anchorage Pagan community back then and the few Coveners I could find… didn’t seem to be a good fit)

I circled every Esbat and every Sabbat, heck for a while there I circled on each of the moons phases throughout the month! While it’s a good, and educational, practice in the short term; I wouldn’t reccomed weekly circling over the long term. (It left be feeling overcharged energetically and perhaps a raw psychicly) I studied and read the Tarot, and the I-Ching, I studied herbs and Ceremonial Magick and Qabala (insert your spelling here – 😉 ) and after a few years I began to seek out community and ended up taking part in private and community rituals… I even started being active in Community Building activities.

Then over time life and work reared their ever-present heads and somewhere along the way of trying to make ends meet I lost parts of myself. For a long time my life was a downward spiral of bad jobs, and various negatively escapist and self-destructive behavior. I lost my job in late 2004, in part because I hadn’t listened to my instincsts and trusted someone not worthy of it, and floundered for a while. I started to turn back to my faith and my past involvement in the Pagan Community.

I also sought help from the division of vocational rehabilitation in my state to get my Attention Deficit Disorder rediagnosed and to get help in finding a job and pursueing some sort of education or training beyond my High School Diploma. I helped to start the Alaskan Pagan Community Builders, a network of folks interested in building a stronger Pagan community in the Anchorage area and in Alaska as a whole.

Then life threw me a 6’8″ curve ball in the form of my now Partner. He and I ended up falling in love and I ended up moving from Anchorage, Ak to Orlando, FL in late 2005 (less than a year after losing that job I mentioned!) to start a life with him. I started school for my Associates Degree in Restaurant and Hospitality Management in 2006.

In the time I’ve been in Orlando… I would say for the first year or so I was still in a certain amount of culture shock. I started attending events a looking into involvement in my local Pagan community when I first arrived. At first this was made more difficult by my lack of knowledge about the roads of and city of Orlando. Then my schedual was thrown all to heck by an overnight shift job at a convenience store and then schoolling.

I have tried to continue my involvement in the community, but I have also been trying to look at myself. I hadn’t done much of anything creative in the last few years. I also hadn’t read much of anything and I have been re-reading some favorite novels, and trying to find some Orlando area RPG geeks to hang and play with. But I also decided to start writting again. I used to write all the time, Poetry, Stories, non-fiction pieces… then somewhere I lost that spark within myself.

Thats why I am writting this blog, to rekindly my self and to reawaken dormant parts of my spirit.



Day One, Re-opening my cocoon…

Chrysalis – The form which Butterflies, moths, and other insects assume when they change from the state of larva or caterpillar and before they arrive at their winged or perfect state.

I came across this definition in a dictionary one day and it struck a cord within me. It seemed a very good definition for my journey as a Witch.

Witch, it’s a problematic word both for those of us in the Pagan community and for those outside of it. I used to use Wicca and Witch interchangeably in describing my faith. Then I had a heart to heart discussion with a good friend who is a 3rd Degree Priestess in a British Traditional coven. She had no problem with, or doubts about, my connection/relationship with the divine or my ethics or practice. It’s just that as a self-initiated Witch, by the definitions of her Trad I was not Wicca.

It shook me for a while, this disagreement. Wicca, the faith of witchcraft, was and is a big part of how I define and understand myself. I still use Wicca to describe my faith, because in the eyes of the larger world this word at least points people in the right direction as to my faith and philosophy.

Back to Chrysalis, for me witchcraft has been a journey of transformation and growth. Transformation from what I was and growth into what I can be. This is a journey that despite periods of distraction, and dormancy, and stagnation, I continue to this day and into the future. Witchcraft is more than the rituals and the spells, and all too often it seems that the magic (or magick) and the rituals are what we focus on, instead of the philosophy and faith; the process instead of the journey, the outer things instead of the inner essence of the faith.

I hope to help others to find that inner essence with this Blog while at the same time rekindling my own.