Wow, funny what you find when your looking.

So I just finished an automatic-writing/ journaling exercise inspired by one of the exercises in Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle…(seriously, if you’re mystically inclined go out and buy it!)

I wrote about my relationship with money, my self-destructive patterns of behavior, family issues, how in the end I am the one responsible for my choices and actions so why did I keep (silently, to myself anyway) try to find excuses or some triggering past event; you know, the usual stuff that starts oozing and seeping out once you start squeezing your subconscious on a topic.  A couple of sentences that stood out in  particularly were…

I have this deeply seated feeling of not being worthy.  This sense of if I get crap I somehow deserve it.

Wow!  I am just SUCH a ray of Effin’ sunshine, aren’t I?!?  I can see the insanity of such an idea… I’m just not sure what to do with it.

I’ve been continuing with my prayers and trying to add meditation to my regular/daily list of spiritual practices; along with some other excercises from Thorn’s Book.  (and tweaking them to adjust for my own metaphisical and magical experiences and past)  Breathing in Life energy, placing it into a challice of water and drinking from it.  Deep breathing meditations and staring into a candle flame… breathing new life into my energy bodies and chakra’s.

As I write this I am finding other little bits of toxic thought and feeling flittering to the surface… pettyness, fear, hatefulness, selfishness, lazyness…

These qualities and the thoughts and feelings I personally associate with them are as much a part of me as the beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, and mirth and reverence that I as a Witch have tried to cultivate within myself.

I may not have the money for therapy (which I think most folks should try for at least a little while)… but I have tools and techniques and dear friends and the Gods… I think I am more than ready to start dealing with some of this stuff!

The rather encouraging thing is I think I’m at a point in my life where I am ready to actually remember those tools and allies!



2 thoughts on “Wow, funny what you find when your looking.

  1. My copy of Kissing the Liitless arrived this morning, along with Diana Paxson’s TrancePortation.

    I was very surprised, as I’d ordered it less than 2 weeks ago, and still have to finish reading Jared Diamond’s The Third Chimpanzee, and then DMT – the Spirit Molecule before I can start on Thorn’s book.
    Seems Someone wants me to have Kissing the Limitless sooner rather than later, though, so maybe I’ll skip the DMT book for the moment !

    Terri in Joburg

    1. Pax

      I am SO officially jealous!!! If I could afford it I would already have a copy of TrancePortation! After listening to Diana and Thorn on the Elemental Castings Podcast episode… I am very intrigued with Trance work.. whereas before hearing their discussion I was like…meh Trancework must be interesting… Strange how the universe seems to be leading me in new directions recently!

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