Hello Dear Friends,
The bedroom is wreathed in incense smoke and The Pagan Radio Network is cranked on the pc, I went for a walk a little earlier and am happily ensconced in front of my computer doing some surfing and writing.  It may seem an odd way to spend the Summer Solstice, but living in Sunny Florida(tm) its a very brisk Summer Solstice day today with 85* and 67% humidity making feel like a chilly 93*.  The humidity based heat increase (almost the direct opposite of the wind chill of my youth) is known variously and the “heat index” and even more euphemistically as the “comfort index”…. I have some opinions on that last one but they are NOT polite so I shan’t intrude my rudeness upon your Solstice-tide.

Happy Solstice-tide to one and all but the by!

Anyhow, here if Orlando, Summer Solstice is a good Holiday for a Pool Party or an Ice Tea Social or simply hiding inside until the cooler evening temperatures can tempt you out doors to toast with Ice Tea or Mimosa’s the Longest Day, the Sun’s Height, and the Endless Summer, the interplay of Sky and Sea that brings us our Summer Rains and Thunderstorms… so many things to celebrate and honor and observe here in Florida.  June, or so my sources tell me, also marks the 1st of the Wine Harvest for Florida… there is, it seems, ALWAYS something being harvested down here.

I am contemplating the year since the last Summer Solstice, and the many many changes my life has undergone.   Changes on every level, personal, professional, spiritual.  New job, new (and improved) boyfriend, new friends, new spiritual focus.  In the aftermath of my break up with The Big Guy I gave myself a year to just sort of, be… gave myself time for healing and to ride out the changes wrought by a deeply instinctual spell/prayer/offering.

I am free writing this post (although I suspect some of you already sensed that…) and have just taken a few moments to re-read some of last years posts from the break up, and time to remember that time…. ok, enough of that…

I am also looking at the many things I want to do and the juggling and ballancing I need to do to do them.  I want to work on building my career at the Motel, work towards my dreams of writing and of opening my coffee house, on my self in spirit / body / mind, on my relationship with The Fabulous Jonathan, on my many blossoming new friendships, and on my involvement at Church, and in Orlando’s Pagan community.

Despite my lack of organized writing on the topic, The Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month project is progressing well for 2010, with a number of artilces already archived and many that I haven’t found yet probably floating around in the aether…. I’ve even found a few from last year and added them to the 2009 archive!

…I breathe in the incense scented air, Frankincense and Lavender and Myrrh, I cherish the moment and the now for just a few minutes.   I make offerings of Barley, and of Water, to the Holy Powers and Guardian Spirits of my heart and hearth.

I wrestle with and wade through memories and emotions past, while at the same time contemplating the many desires and possibilities of the present.    I smile upon the thoughts of the many friends in Orlando, in Anchorage, and through the wonder of this blog across the World, that I am blessed with.  I contemplate the many ideas and ideals I have been exposed to thanks to the Pagan Values Event.

I think upon Solstices past, when I celebrated the Height of Summer and wandered from Saturday Downtown Market, to the A.W.A.K.E. Summer Solstice Fair, to the Anchorage Pridefest to verious goings on visiting with friends and enjoying the long Summer days and nights of Anchroage.  I think upon Soltices recent where I have worked in the stifling heat and humidity in the Parks to go home and collapse, huddled in something resembling climate controlled comfort and then to a public ritual.

I think about familly, and friends, and ten thousand things, and I breathe in the incense scented air.

I return to my breath, stillness for a while…

Then I return to my musings….

Peace,

Pax

Dear Friends,

I am still remembering to breathe.  Now I just need to remember how to write.  I have been trying and trying to write out pieces on perserverance and beloved community for the Pagan Values month event and not having much success or inspiration.  Although I have been puttering away here and there and everywhere with lots of writting, but I haven’t really completed any of it.  Not that I mind the practice I just wish I could mellow my Muse long enough for here to stay on a topic long enough to finish.

So I breathe.

In the midst of a lot of chaos I breathe.

As you may already know June is International Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month, and a number of works on the topic have already been cast out onto the Aether.  I had looked forward to doing a lot more writing of my own on the topic but much like last year, this June has been full of chaos and changes and challenges.

In June of last year, my old desktop computer finally died on me and I had to purchase a new one.  Then in August my ex The Big Guy unceremoniously ended our mis-labeled life partnership.

This years June has seen a lot of Chaos at the motel I work at with folks in the front desk department quitting suddenly and calling in sick repeatedly resulting in 11 hour shifts and extra work days all around as well as an atmosphere of chaos and shell shock.  Then there was the other Monday, the day my new boyfriend (or should that be bearfriend?) The Fabulous Jonathan’s mother was going into the hospital for heart valve surgery, my car started to leak coolant fluid (again) like a sieve, my friend A___ called to let me know his partner P___ was in the hospital with a parasitic infection affecting ALL of his lymph nodes (the doctors have since eliminated HIV/AIDS and after a biopsy eliminated Lymphoma as suspects and figure it was just a very serious infection) Then my friend Aarnvast’s car died on him the next day after he had driven me home the night before and the tow truck had come to pick my car up from his house!

I am beginning to view June and July and August with some suspicion I can tell you!

BUT I continue to breathe, to find ways to honor my relationships with my family and friends and community and with the Spirits and Ancestors and Gods.  I continue to move forward with my goals and have done well at updating the Pagan Values project blog.  I am still moving forward even as a tough anniversary approaches and I feel moments of grief and sadness over the death of a cherished relationship, even as I hope that someday The Big Guy and I might renew acquaintance and become …friends?

And still I persevere, I pray to my many Goddesses and Gods, I breathe into my Center, I Ground, I try to take time to listen either in formal meditation or in seeking even a moment of stillness and connection with The Numinous within each day.

—

The subtle signs around me seem to be saying “worry less about your words for a while.  LISTEN and OBSERVE and OPEN UP TO THE MYSTERY”  even as I struggle to understand just what that mystery is.   Am I fooling myself or have my regular applications of prayer begun to work their magic upon the Universe and upon Me.  Am I to learn who this flower above me is and what This Gods work is soon and shall all my parts become known to me?

The approaching anniversary of my life falling apart last year feels like, a gateway, or perhaps a new cross-roads.  I gave myself a year to just be.  With that anniversary comes the anniversary of my cross-continental move to Florida to begin a new life with the Big Guy…  Even though I am no longer with him in many ways that new life is now much more underway than it ever was with him.

And still I breathe.  Breathe the breath of life and reach out to the Divine and the beloved living and honored and beloved dead and the nymphs and the Guardians of The Watchtowers and all my many relations.

I feel a yearning for poetry… I think I shall dig out my books of poetry from their plastic tote boxes and read and declaim and luxuriate in the sensuality of language for a while… perhaps a bottle of wine,,,

First though some sleep, and more wandering words working towards completion.

Peace.

Pax