Unfortunately, one of the side-effects of long term spiritual practice is emotional and spiritual growth. Why unfortunate? Because after a while it becomes more and more difficult to run away from or ignore your own personal BS!
We are immersed in an over-culture where we are constantly being told we are too this, not-enough that, and what we really need to do is to drink or smoke or pop-a-pill… BUY something to make you happy; after all one of the last great unforgivable sins left is to be unhappy, if even for a moment! Obey, don’t ask questions, be a good little consumer! It’s so much easier to bury things and engage in dumb and sometimes self-destructive distractions, rather than actually dealing with your pain and problems!
Even in such an environment, returning again and again to ourselves, and to our Gods and Ancestors and Spirits (whether we see Them as idea, or entity); this regular returning to the relationships that nurture us, and to our truest self, makes it all too difficult, nearly impossible really, to hide from ourselves.
Darn inconvenient sometimes…
This will be the first Valentines since my late ex The Big Guy passed, and we observed our anniversary on New Years. Well, we were supposed to, and sometimes we did, but all to often I told myself I’d make it up to him… distracted by so many other things and too poor to do anything… or so I told myself… besides he knew how much I loved him and what he meant to me. But as the end of our relationship, at his choosing, showed… he didn’t. I have a lot of regret, and moments of grief still. Don’t every hesitate to share and show your love to those you have in your life, for so many reasons there may not be a next time.
This will also be the first Valentines that the Fabulous Jonathan and I will be sharing in our new apartment. I am looking forward to that, and to sharing so many adventures with him. He’s been very good about my grief, and letting me talk about these feelings when I need to.
Regret and hope, joy and grief; unlike the fairy tales of our childhood, life is rarely all one thing or the other. Engaging in a regular spiritual practice helps us to have the ability to balance the complexities of our daily lives.
It’s not always easy, or pretty, or fun, but it does help us in our Journey.
What helps you in your Journey? What are you trying to avoid dealing with? What Nurtures you? What sustains you?
Pax / Geoffrey