Category: Notes on the Journey

Chrysalis Classics and notes on writing about the journey

On By PaxIn Notes on the Journey2 Comments

Hey Friends,

So I have added (or actually moved and updated) a page called Chrysalis Classics, which you can see in the navigation bars.  These are pieces I think represent some of my better writing and are ideas I may revisit, or are pieces that are somehow touchstones for me.  I am also thinking of committing publication, using some of those essay’s as starting off points, so I would appreciate some feedback.

I had mentioned work on a book about meditation, and it’s not coming together yet, partly because it is a practice I have a lot of trouble with.  Then too, some of this is admittedly that roughly June through September are a mad-house time in the Hosptality industry in Florida… some of it.  There were also the deaths and grief and some personal and work dramas that have lurched through my Summertime 2011.   It’s interesting really… back in Alaska, Winter is the Season to be endured; increasingly here in Florida, especially for me lately, Summer has been the time to endure and perservere until Autumn once again brings its healing balm back to the land and my life.

Along with poor parched Florida I am feeling nourished by the recent rains in the Orlando area.  I am feeling some rant’s come on me again, and the stirrings of my Muse as I begin to not only have a little more time to think and write, but also come out of a trance of griefs.  I have wrestled with those dangerious spirits of Should-have… and Could-have…  and Why-didn’t-I…   There’s been survivor’s guilt and drama and mind games and feeling tossed around and a bunch of needless fear.  In my sadness I’d forgotten some of myself, but I’ve not only remembered but with all the wrestling and swimming in the currents has come new realizations and understanding and some evolutions in my daily practice and my relationship with Him.

Anyhow, take a look at the Chrysalis Classics and the Spiritual Practice and the Definitions pages cause I am feeling lately like several of these have been pre-writing for ~something~, and would dearly like some feedback.

Peace,

Pax

PS- if any of my reader’s is familiar with the Botanica pharmecopia (as it were) is there an equivalent to Fiery Wall of Protection Oil?  There an authentic and very reasonably priced Botanica not too far from where I work and they have a marvelous selection of oils and waters, but they are all labelled in Spanish and while the pictures on such things are always evocative they are not always informative and the folks running the place didn’t know what Fiery Wall of Protection Oil was so I don’t think there’s a direct equivalent… any ideas?

How my library grows….Notes on the Journey 7/31

On By PaxIn Notes on the Journey2 Comments

Happy Lammastide Dear Friends!

August 1st, or the 7th if you follow the Astrological Sabbats, is Lammas.  Either way I hope this festival finds you well.  Traditionally Lammas is associated with the Grain Harvest, and bread.  The main harvests in Florida this time of year are Bananas and Beans and Chiles…  What’s a contemporary Pagan to do?  Well a little Kunh Pao Chicken after Church today took care of the Chiles.

Seriously though I think I shall try to share meals with some of my seldom seen friends in the next week or so.  Changes at the work schedule are making that a little more likely so huzzah!

Also, another minute or so of my 15 has recently happened….  (near the bottom of the article, and Thanks to Rev Kathy for pointing it out!)

In other news…  work is progressing on both a business-plan for my eventual Coffee House/Cafe and on a work/book/essay/something on meditation and mindfulness in Pagan practice.

The Harvest that’s been on my mind lately is one of books.  I splurged on a few book orders and they have all arrived in…

So i splurged recently on book orders, and my first bundle arrived yesterday Ceisiwr Serith’s A Pagan Ritual Book of Prayer came in a bundle with Singing The Living Tradition, (The primary U.U. Hymnal) Either the Universe or someone at Amazon’s shipping facility has a great sense of humor….

-as I said on Facebook

The other books include…

Singing The Journey (a supplementary U.U. Hymnal),

A Manual For Living by Epictetus (Sharon Lebell trans.),

The Dieties Are Many: A Polytheistic Theology by Jordan Paper,

Pagan Theology: Paganism as a World Religion by Michael York (no not that one the gent whose bio is down there near the bottom of this page….),

Her Hidden Children: The Rise of Wicca and Paganism in America by Chas S. Clifton,

Bearing Torches: A Devotional Anthology for Hekate (which I contributed too!  squee!)

From The Satyr’s Mouth: Wit and Wisdom from an Opinionated Polytheist by the ever fabulous H. Jeremiah Lewis (aka Sannion)

and,

On Being Human Religiously by James Luther Adams

…The fascinating, and to some friends and acuaintences scary thing is this is the sort of thing I can read for fun!   Those are on top of finishing Man’s Search for Meaning, The Inner Journey: Views from the Gurdjieff Work Jacob Needleman ed., and finishing Pride and Prejudice… which I bought for some relaxing between-the-non-fiction reading and because I’d never read any Austin…… Then there’s the Kathy Reichs novel Spider Bones that I picked up… and Gail Carriger’s latest novel in the Parasol Protectorate series is coming out soon…

…

Ok, Well, the title of this post says it all… at least I have plenty of weighty reading and I can balance it out with some pure fun reading as things progress… although that’s one of the difficulties with what some folks like to call “200 level” Paganism (as opposed to the popularly and widely published Pagan or Witch 101 books that seem in endless circulation) is that sometimes they are both weighty AND fun so how do you characterize them?

anyhow, I’ve got some reading and writing to get back too…

Peace,

Pax / Geoffrey Stewart

The Spirit of Beloved Community & being in Beloved Community with Spirits

On By PaxIn Community Building, everyday, Gospel Pagan, Modern Pagan, My life with (some of) The Holy Powers and The Spirits, Notes on the Journey, Pagan Ponderings, Unitarian Universalist3 Comments

Dear Friends,

Today’s post discusses more of the U.U. side of my spirituality but also, like so many things in my life, crosses over into the cross-roads of my Pagan roots.

So with some fluctuations in my schedule recently I actually got to sleep the Saturday night before Church, instead of hoping to grab a nap after getting off of work from the overnight shift.   I was eager to explore the novelty of the Church Service experience having had a full nights sleep beforehand.  I was slow in waking up, even with having set my alarm early but not only felt the personal need to go to church… I also felt a bit unsettled about the idea of missing it that day.

So I got my things for my work shift together, quickly ran through some of my Daily Practice, gave Jonathan a kiss, and headed over there.

As I was driving up to the driveway I usually use, I could see that folks were there waving signs, at first I wondered if there was a car wash or something going on that I had missed reading about in the weekly 1U Email…  bright colorful signs and folks milling about the sidewalks and the side-driveway, so I pulled past the Robinson Street driveway and got ready to turn on North Hampton to what I think of as the Main Driveway.   It was as I was waiting for the oncoming traffic to let me turn that I realized that the signs were condemning abortion and homosexuality, and some of them were the extreme close-up pictures of dead babies that the far right and fundamentalists are so very fond of.

It says something about the spirit that my beloved community engenders within me that my first thought was a cheerful and almost eager…

“We’re being protested… how exciting!!”

On some strange level seeing those folks out there preaching down a storm on us, and the signs about how awful and false and without Jesus we were and how we would mislead folks into thinking Homosexuality (because we are an Affirming or GLBT friendly Congregation) or Abortion (1U Congregation members were instrumental in forming Planned Parenthood of Orlando) ….. somehow those folks protesting us confirmed deep within me my conviction that this Congregation was a force for good in the world.

I pulled into my usual parking spot, having arrived early despite getting briefly lost in the maze of streets between this mornings 408 exit and the Church, and set out to track down Rev. Kathy to see how I might be of help.  As I walked through Campus I could see members & friends of the Church also milling about both Gore Hall (our social hall) and the Sanctuary.  I found Rev. Kathy, and asked her..

“Shall I help make copies of lyrics sheets for We Shall Overcome?!”

She laughed and then in a slightly distracted manner reminded herself to change the closing hymn and talk with our Music Director…

Rachel, whom I know from around Church and from Worship Committee, came up and told me how some of the protestors were going to be leaving their signs and slogan-bearing t-shirts behind and join us in the Sanctuary for Services… and how there was also a Plain-Clothes Police Officer going to be in the Sanctuary today in case there was any problems during the Service.  I touched base with a few friends and felt the tension on the campus.  The overall mood of our folks seemed subdued, some folks were tense or nervous… there was a sense of dread and controlled anger and even fear in the crowd milling about waiting to start Services…  given the sad fact of some of Unitarian Universalism’s recent historyI suppose I can’t blame them.

I took a few moments to touch base with the coordinators of our newly formed Social Hour Team and discussed my sketchy schedule for July and August, said hello to a few more folks and ran into Rev. Kathy again.  I asked her if I should see if the Protestors needed any water or if they needed a restroom or something… it’s called Radical Hospitality, and I am a practitioner of it… she pointed out that they probably already had their needs covered (and that some of our co-congregants might not be as ready to extend Radical Hospitality as am I…).  She seemed a little nervous, so I reminded her of those Six Breaths she had once talked to me about and let her get going to the Sanctuary.

At some point in all of this, the part of Geoffrey that chose the name Pax, that now goes by other more secret names, the part of me that has danced Deosil round Rowans in the Rain, that has thrown offerings of Grain and Rum out to the many Holy Powers and to the Spirits and Ancestors, the part of me that has tried to self-train as a Priest to the Holy Powers for most of the last 20 years sat up and took notice.   I breathed into my Center and my Chakras and to my Connection to the WitchFather, and took another look around.

There were a couple of members sitting in outdoor chairs by the Robinson Street driveway to keep an eye on the protestors and make sure they didn’t come onto Campus with their signs or t-shirts… which since it’s out property we have the right to deny folks entry if we wish, though its sad that we have to make that choice.  Somehow, it was the realization that we had members on guard pushed both my Witch/Pagan buttons and my Usher/Greeter/Multiple Committee Member buttons.  I took another deep breath and asked the Spirits of the Church, the dryads and other nature spirits of the campus and Genius Loci and the Congregational Egregore, to lend a hand.

I found myself entering Usher/Greeter mode, greeting Church members and looking around for member needs and ways I could help.  Rev. Kathy mentioned she needed a glass of water for the pulpit, so I went and got one…

“I Bless thee and consecrate thee oh, Creature of Water and cast out of thee all impurities, that we might work wonders…”

~I spoke the words of consecration as I walked from Gore Hall to The Sanctuary…

…by the time I returned Services were beginning so I placed the glass of water on the table to the side of the pulpit area where the book of Joys and Concerns was waiting to be fetched by the Rev. when she was ready…

I returned to the back of the Sanctuary by the doors to the Foyer, and Rachel came up again and reminded us all of the Evacuation plan for the building and as she and her partner Nicki went to Gore Hall they shared a few key Cell Phone number’s with me in case some of the protestors who were observing the Service caused trouble.  I watched the beginnings of the Service, but was already feeling a part of it yet standing apart from it, with my Acrostic eye viewing things through both a Pagan headspace and that of an Usher… so I took my leave of the Sancuary and walked through the Fountain Courtyard, past various Memorial Plaques and plantings and made sure that the protestors weren’t planning on disrupting things by marching through on that end.

I am realizing my time-sense of the day is a little off, partly because the usual Order of Service was adjusted and there were no Words for All Ages, the children were already in the Religious Education building… probably to insulate them from the protestors.  When a member  parent and child arrived late the protestors started shouting at the mom about how the child was endangered from our Churches false teaching.  Some comments the Director of Religious Education had made a little while ago made more sense, and I realized that this also insulated them if there was violence from the protestors.  They probably had the RE complex locked up tight…

I stopped at the back of the Sanctuary, facing Hampton behind the back wall of the Pulpit/Altar area,  where some of the most recent memorial plaques are and where I had poured offerings of water to the Congregational Ancestors when my friend Sandi joined Them this Spring, and sent a few breaths to the Honored and Beloved dead of the congregation asking for their guidance and guardianship and aid.  The protestors did not look to be trying anything on that score, so I returned through the Fountain courtyard, and briefly thought about turning the fountain on… but I decided against it and went back inside to listen to the remainder of the Service.

The Services, or rather the Sermons, are podcasted at a couple of different sources and it rather rocked!  (now that I’ve had the chance to listen to the whole blessed thing… 😉  )

The Service went well and there was no disruption, I thanked the Reverend and gave her a hug and went over to Gore hall.   I turned on the fountain as I headed out to Gore Hall.  The social hour was a little restrained at first… I think that I was not the only person who was hesitant to speak to folks who were unfamiliar to me (of course given my poor memory for names and faces that can be a long list from even longtime members of the Church)…  I think there was also an element of waiting to see if some sort of disruption or attack occurred at this point.   The usual joyous tumult of social hour was also a bit subdued because there weren’t as many kids roaming and running about… I guess many of the parents had taken them home.

Here is where things got a little interesting.

First off, one of the ladies of the Alliance came up to me as the worshipers were wandering in and gave me an apron that had been part of the goods from my friend Sandi’s house-hold goods donated to the Alliance for resale, she had seen it and set it aside for me since Sandi and I shared a culinary connection in our friendship.  Then some of the conversations with folks after Social Hour started to wind down revolved around how many of us either just happened to go by Church early that morning and saw the protestors setting up, or woke up unusually early and looked at e-mail and got the message about the goings on, or simply felt especially drawn to Church that day.

Were the Ancestors present?   Did the Genius Loci and the Congregational Egregore send out some sort of “Hey!  All hands on deck!!” to those particularly attuned to their frequencies?  Did the many and diverse Holy Powers of the world here the prayers of some of the Congregants?

Personally, I believe so.

Whatever the details of the explanation, we handled it with dignity and Grace, as U.U.’s have sought to handle difficult times in the past.  I know we can carry the lessons of that day forward as we strive and sometimes struggle to be within Beloved Community with one another even as some of us are trying to widen the scope of that Beloved Community in some uncommon directions.

Peace,

Pax

Notes on the Journey 04/16/11

On By PaxIn Notes on the Journey2 Comments

Dear Friends,

So I have been busy lately.

There was my work with the District Assembly at the 1st Unitarian Church Orlando – including planning the catering meal program and evaluating the Church Campus for meal prep and service and helping supervise the fabulous volunteers for the 2 dinners, then there was crafting the announcement of this years International Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month, I have a few interviews and stories brewing for the PNC Florida Bureau, and I am outlining notes for a book on Meditation, I am in the process of moving in with The Fabulous Jonathan, and juggling all of the above with my work schedule and my regular Spiritual Practices and Religious devotions and activities.

So yeah, busy.

So with all of the above going on, I am also wrestling with my blessing of ADHD.  I call  it a blessing because it is something I have to work with, over, around, and through; and that effort and challenge has been a learning and growth experience – it is still, however, also a difficulty sometimes…  Like now, when I have a lot of things calling to me to do and participate in and that I need to take care of… We ADHD blessed folks can have a tendency to over commit ourselves and then lose track of things, so I am doing my best to keep a healthy balance.

I keep trying to approach my Practices, and am STILL having trouble settling into a meditation practice… which is strange because when I do stop and force myself to meditate I find in myself in a deeply calm and able to face anything.  I have been thinking about this resistance of mine a lot lately.  It seems to me that this resistance is, at its root, that deeply ingrained suspicion with happiness that I have wrestled with for years, the legacy of a very emotionally difficult childhood in my beloved yet dysfunctional family.

So I breathe, and light the candles on the altar, and pray, and make offerings, and go to Church at the U.U. …

The journey continues as does the learning..

May your own  journey be blessed!

Peace,

Pax

Freewriting and Notes on the Journey 3/02/11

On By PaxIn Blame Sannion, Bouncing off the Gods, Brigid, Imbolc, Notes on the Journey, The Fabulous Jonathan, witcheryLeave a comment
Image found here thanks to Google Images search...

Dear Friends,

So there have been a LOT of little nudges from the Cosmos, Kledon’s found in random discussions and comments from friends, and outright urgings from friends and acquaintances.  Keep Writing.  You should write a book.  Look at how successful online writers/E-book authors are…  So the Altar’s lit with the various candles and Brighid’s Candle from Imbolc is lit atop my Computer tower as I sit here writing freely and from the heart.

I feel like a fraud sometimes.  I write here about my practices and journey and yet my Practice is a sometimes fragile thing in the face of rapid changes in schedule or routine… yet still I try to keep my log book of Practices, and at least Ground and Center each day… the prayers and Chakra exercises and Meditation ebb and flow… but at least I ground and Center each day.

I sometimes wonder if one of the most difficult things we can do on our journeys of Spirit on our many Religious paths isn’t just going back to them each day?  Letting go of the distractions and the doubts and just trusting in the journey….

Today I stayed home from work, overwhelmed by allergies and a sky-high pollen count in Orlan0do in the wake of this Winter’s freezes; overwhelmed too by Benadryl… which always hits me like a trippy tidal wave when I first take it each year.  I slept for several hours this afternoon and have been up for a few hours this evening and am getting ready to pass out as my modern day flying ointment (aka benedryl) takes affect.

Sometimes you just have to slow down and let things happen in their own time… been getting that message too lately.  From the Spirits and from my own magickal work..

As I may have mentioned here I have been doing some prosperity related work lately.  Made myself a money candle and used some oils and herbs and added them to a 7day candle and used some silver and gold metalic craft ink to write things on the outside of the glass.  Been burning that a bit each day… had to re-make it once when the first ink I chose rubbed off quickly…

Made myself a money powder with a popular chamomile tea blend, which happened to have a lot of lucky and prosperity herbs in it for flavor balance – handy that, and some rice and ground them together in the coffee grinder.  (I lack a mortar and pestle as the mortar was re-purposed to an incense burning bowl a couple of years ago whilst the pestle was misplaced, and lets be honest, for a lot of uses a grinder makes more sense you can charge the herbs without inducing early onset carpel tunnel)  Sometimes though, it would be nice to have that mortar and pestle, to grind the herbs as best I could by hand and feel them breaking down, to smell their scents, to feel the energy of my action and will flowing into them as I break them down… sometimes.  Sometimes its nice to simply have some things on hand that I can say a quick prayer over and toss a pinch of powder into my pocket as I get ready to leave the house.

I Also started in on some Crown of Success oil.  Found all SORTS of recipes, but I started out by using the one in Judika Isles 500,000 Spells book.  Started by steeping fresh and dried bay leaves in Olive and Jojoba oil.  Blended that with some Sandalwood essential oil in Jojoba (because I need more success until I can afford retail Sandalwood essential oil), some Frankincense (because I was in a hurry and didn’t realize that the Frankincense was nearly twice the cost of the other until I got home and read the reciept) and Vetivert essential oils, and gifted the results to The Fabulous Jonathan.

That was the quick Crown of Success Oil, now I’m working on the slow long-term success so all that left-over Bay leaves and Olive/Jojoba Oil will come in handy!  I bought some Frankincense tears and ground them up and added them to the oil and leaves that remained, gonna try an old school home-made batch of Crown of Success.   May not have the “pow” of an essential oil batch, at least not for a long time and multiple herbal additions and steeping cycles, but I think a longer term steeping might be instructive and useful…. at lest thats the urgings/leadings/impression I’ve been getting.  Slow down, relax, do what you need to do but don’t be afraid to let things develop naturally you don’t have to be doing it all to have everything you need to have happen, happen.

So I will trust in the Gods and the Spirits and the Ancestors and light Brighids Candle and write something somewhere each day, and breathe, and Center, and do what I need to do.

What will you do?  What do you need to do?

Peace, and Curiosity, always the Curiosity,

Pax

PS- Technically speaking I shouldn’t be surprised at the changes and upheavals and jumping around going on in my life since I ASKED for it….  I need to remember to bless and remember that fact when the universe forces me to think and breathe and dance between the lines of the spiritual tides on the shores of my life.

A few notes…on what Paganism is NOT…

On By PaxIn Chop Wood, Creativity, Food for Thought, My Florida Sabbats, Notes on the Journey2 Comments

Dear friends,

A few useful notes, based on some rampant misconceptions I have seen carried abroad in my local Pagan community.  Please take the following to heart.

Paganism is NOT a substitute for the psycho-therapeutic process.

Paganism is NOT a fandom.

Paganism is NOT an excuse for religious or racial bigotry, not even when it involves Christianity or a black actor portraying a comic-book interdimensional being named Heimdal.

Given that Religion and Spirituality are synonyms, Paganism is NOT an excuse for long angry diatribes against “Religion” and in favor of “Spirituality”; especially when your anger and fear of “Religion” is rooted in anger at and fear related to your religion of origin.

Paganism is NOT a justification of your own personal lack or responsibility or maturity; NOR is Paganism or “tolerance” to be used as an excuse for others irresponsibility or maturity.

Paganism is NOT an excuse to engage in addictive or self-destructive behavior.

Paganism is NOT a synonym for Wiccan or Neo-Wiccan.

Paganism is NOT a synonym for practicing Magick, nor does a Pagan rite require an act of spell-casting.

Thank you,

Pax

PS – you may be wondering what Paganism IS, well I am struggling towards my own definition over here….

PPS- feel free to riff off any of the above points into a posting of your own, I will probably be expanding several of the above into paragraphs at some point in the future myself….

Automotive Misadventures, The Fabulous Jonathan, and Spiritual Practice, Oh My!

On By PaxIn Blame Sannion, Carry Water, Chop Wood, everyday, Notes on the Journey, spiritual practice, The Fabulous Jonathan4 Comments

Dear Friends,

So as you may remember I have been working at building my array and regularity of Spiritual Practices in my Pagan journey for a while now…. Meditation, both silent and focused, and Conscious Breathing and Grounding and Centering and work with my Chakra’s and (for those of us on the New Aquarian Frontier who are of the Witchy persuasion) of course Magick…. and loging them all daily along with my daily diet and writing I’ve done that day and any Professional development and physical excercise…

And my practice has been growing and becoming a regular part of my life.  So of course as I grew it eventually became time for a test.

My old car, the Late Great Volvo, had already had 170,000 miles on it when I bought it used for $1,700 a few years ago.  I had already spent more on it in repairs than I bought it for, almost double.  I have been reading and researching replacement vehicles and pulling together money and otherwise talking about getting a newer car.  However my A.D.D. blessed brain kept getting distracted by more immediate things… duties and commitments and exhaustion from a wildly varying schedule and all sorts of other life stuff… or so I told myself.

So when I stopped at a fast food place for some breakfast this last Sunday, and the car didn’t want to start, I shouldn’t have been so surprised.

Turn the key, nothing.  The lights came on but the engine did not turn over.   I figured it was the battery, and after some harsh lessons in the road readiness and charitable nature of many of my fellow human beings…. I called my boyfriend The Fabulous Jonathan.  He made the 45-minute to hour drive to where I was and we tried jumping the battery.  Repeatedly.   No go.   After a while the ugly truth dawned that it wasn’t the battery, it was the transmission.

For those who are even more automotive repair/maintenance challenged than myself (and I hope you live somewhere either blessed with fabulous public transit or which is very pedestrian friendly) that is both ridiculously expensive and the automotive kiss of death.

The Fabulous Jonathan set aside his own duties and chores for the Week-end and helped ferry me around town for a few days and look at cars and figure out how to invest my modest nest egg into a new vehicle.  I am now the proud debtor of a slightly used 2010 Kia Rio!!!

(brief pause whilst Pax does some calming breathing about his very first Car financing experience, which is really different from a Student Loan because you can’t really defer payments…. banks are a LOT less accomodating or flexible on Car Loans than Student Loans as I understand it)

So we exchanged Valentine cards on the 13th, and spent most of the next 3 days together.  He helped me get to work on Monday night, after I switched shifts around to have Tuesday off to go Car hunting.   We talked, a lot and laughed and shared stories from our pasts and he made a scary crazy making experience a lot less painful!  He is wonderful, and smart and cute and funny, although I am admittedly biased on the matter.  It was nice to know that we are capable of weathering storms together.

I am truly blessed to have found you Jonathan!

So sometime on day 2, even though I wasn’t doing my usual Journal / Log-booking of my practices, I noticed I was still breathing consciously, I was grounding and centering, and otherwise trying to engage the practices that help keep me on an even keel; even in the midst of maddening times.  That is why we do them, they help us to grow and be stronger and better people; being stronger and better people we are more aware and engaged in our lives and our relationships with ourselves, our friends and families, our Gods, and our Sweet Sacred Universe.

Jonathan was even patient with me as I got very snarly and with him at the Dealership as I sat with him waiting for some of the paperwork to go through as I wrestled with this tremendous wave of doubt and fear that washed over me.  He kept trying to reassure me and I kept getting mad at him… which I knew was bs and driven by the fearful and hateful parts of my self that have been hurt so often over the years – and sometimes allowed myself to be hurt rather than risk failing at not being a failure or a screw-up-… finally I just told him that this was my fear and I needed to face it.

Although I was more than a little bastardly about it, sorry my dear.

Sometimes you have to face your fears instead of running from them, which is of course one of the big reasons I had waited to buy the car or seriously scope out my financing options.   But I found a good finance rate and payments I can afford and even as I go scared further into the world or being a Real Adult ™, I am blessed by good friends and good fortune and the love of a wonderful guy!

I also find myself contemplating how small and limited I’ve let my life get in the last year or so as I faced the impending death of the Volvo and of how I avoided dealing with the situation.  I have many friends whom I could be sharing my journey with in a more personal face to face manner, and even with the hovering cloud of automotive doom I have been trying to do just that lately… spending time with Tracie the Red this last week-end…. and making it to various 1U events.

I have had a lot of “Once I have a newer car and a better job I can ______ and _____ and ____.”  Conversations/prayers/whatever’s with the Gods and the Universe in general lately….  Projects I could be involved in, events I could attend, activities I could take up…. not a new thing these conversations, but my sense of being actually able to tackle the various projects and promises is newer to me.   Its grown with my dive into Practice and Study in the last couple of years.

I can also see, based on that not-quite crushing wave of fear and doubt at the Dealership, that I have more work and Practice to do…

Now it’s back to the daily routine of work at the motel, and on my writing, and on my Practices, and in another couple of days it will be time to Circle again.   Then there are events at Church to volunteer on…   Opportunities to spend times with Tracie the Red, and my gaming buddy and proto-Heathen friend Aarnvast, and others….  More work to do polishing the resume and getting my ducks in a row to try for promotions at work….  More work to do around the apartment getting things in order there…

The adventure continues…

Peace,

Pax

6 Breaths and making the time…

On By PaxIn An Important Message..., Food for Thought, Meditation, Notes on the Journey, Unitarian Universalist2 Comments

Dear Friends,

I have been having a LOT of synchronicities go on lately around Writing and Meditation and Practice…

One of those moments and one that is sticking with me is a conversation I had with my Minister from Orlando’s 1U, a U.U. congregation.  We were talking about how incredibly busy things are, and will be for a while, at our Church.  Rev. Kathy is our newly settled Minister and our Church is growing from what is called a Pastoral sized Church into a Program Sized Church, meaning that the number of people is greater than any one person can know or intuit the state-of-the-congregation…. in such a situation you need strong governance and a solid organization and sense of what group and activity relates to/reports to whom… basically there is a LOT going on…

After a meeting/discussion with her earlier this week I made the comment that it was a very lucky thing she was already a practitioner of meditation…

“I take a lot of inspiration from the fact that Science has proven that you can change your body chemistry with just 6 breaths…” she said, as she related how synchronicity had played an important part in her own journey when she had just finally committed to meditation shortly before facing a nurological illness that mimicked M.S., that was cleared up with Antibiotics (given for something else) after 3 years… as she related it was a good thing she had discovered Meditation right before that!

I have been working at my regular practices for, well, months now…   Centering and Grounding and Breathing Into my Chakras and Prayer  …at the same time I have danced back and forth with both my professional development, my spiritual development and Practice, and the many many shiny things that call to my A.D.D. blessed self for attention.  That comment about 6 breaths has stuck with me.

“If all you have time for in a day is those 6 breaths, then that’s what you do…” was the observation Rev. Kathy made…

We tell ourselves we don’t have time, we tell ourselves we will get to it tomorrow; and we lie to ourselves, and undervalue, and undermine ourselves all too damn often!  So I am continuing in my journey to breathe, to sit in silence for 10 minutes.  To do what I desire, and need to do and deal with, each day even if its baby steps.  Take time, dear friends, on your own journeys to dive deep into yourself and your practice … even if some days its just those 6 breaths!

Peace,

Pax / Geoffrey

Why every city needs some Pagan neighborhoods….

On By PaxIn Notes on the Journey, Pagan Ponderings4 Comments

Dear Friends,

One of the frustrations of living in a town-house condominium apartment is that neither the room-mate, the neighbors, nor complex security would understand or endorse me shucking off my pajamas and dancing naked in last nights glorious rainstorm (with proper footwear in case of nearby Lightning strikes) in the courtyard between the buildings.  I had to throw on clothes and THEN go dance ,with grape-vine steps, Deosil around the Magnolia at the cross-roads of the walking paths…

I would heartily advise my fellow Pagani, and any of you interested in what we U.U.’s call “The Earth Centered Traditions”, to encounter Nature on its terms once in a while.  Instead of just calling on the powers of Air from inside your living room while focusing on some incense or a feather,for example, … Go Outside once in a while!!

Anyhow, this desire to dance and my frustration at not having any locally available easily accessible outdoor Pagan space started me thinking about having a Pagan neighborhood.  Which reminded me of this episode of Elemental Castings, where T. Thorn Coyle and John Michael Greer are talking about the element of Earth and get into some interesting discussions about building such communities…

Think about it… a green-grocers and corner market and a pharmacy and some galleries and restaurants and psychics and the requisite bookstore and tchotchke shop… all within walking or biking distance… green architecture, community gardens, well maintained and observed public park (with extended hours of course) and a Pagan Community Center…. tai-chi in the park, yoga at The Center…

Instead of running away to the country or the wild, which are becoming increasingly more precious, perhaps we should be leading a charge to take over the cities?!

Peace,

Pax

Notes on the Journey and poems…

On By PaxIn Creativity, Notes on the Journey, Poetry, remembering, Unitarian Universalism, witcheryLeave a comment

(Plus, Pax plays with the new linking set up and labeling system for WordPress…)

Dear Friends,

In addition to discovering Veles’ little gem, I have had a both lazy and eventful Friday… working the 11pm-7am shift Friday and Saturday nights means that I sometimes get a nice long Friday to relax a bit it… especially as the week-ends can be chock-full of things..

I awoke to this depressing news on NPR of the recent effort by the Republicans and Teabagger’s to cut NPR funding, probably because they prefer to maintain the conservative media dominance that they have worked so hard to establish.  So this put me in a bit of a mood today.

In order to try and lift my mood I listened to one of Rev. Kathy’s Sermons from the 1U New Membership Service “What we Freely Choose….“, a very inspiring sermon on the power of choices we make and how we have power to change the moral arc of the Universe…

After that I ended up chatting with Veles on Facebook for a bit, always a delight… and finally HAD to sign off there in order to get some writing and copying done as I poked through my archives for old articles and such.

Then since I was in further need of inspiration, and given that the WitchFather as I am coming to call Him (influenced no doubt by some young rascal or another)  is also the Bringer of Wisdom and Inspiration, I re-listened to episode 4 of the Druidcast podcast… the segment where Ronald Hutton gives a talk about the Wiccan/Neo-Pagan Horned God and his modern history… which always brings a smile to my lips and helps inspire me… and I was also looking for a little extra information and inspiration as I want to contribute to that Horned God Devotional, which of course took me over to of Oak and Ivy… where I found a reference to this poem….

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley

Which poem I very much like and find inspiring and in keeping with the themes of Power and Choice and True Will for today…

I also found, as I poked around the archives that I have surprisingly little written down… at least in the computer about the Horned God, so I shall poke around in the old BoS’s and see what I might see to share, and I will hope that some time presents itself in the wee-hours at work where I can work on some poetry and journaling… although this could be a busy week-end with the Thanksgiving Holiday coming up here in the U.S.

although I did find an old piece of mine I had forgotten about and will be including in the new BoS and Grimmoire I am working on for myself….

Let the Circle Be Cast

In this night and in this hour,

I weave once more, Magicks power,

Between the worlds this Circle stands,
A Sphere of light, a ring of clasping hands,
Here incense sweet and bitter brine,
Shall bless each atom, each cell, and empower, and re-awaken the Divine

Remember, Remember oh blessed space,

That you are of, and beyond, all time and place.

Watchtowers and Powers of Earth and Sky, of Sun and Sea,

Please join in this Circle, and Guide, and Guard,

And celebrate with me.

Mother Celestial and Father Divine,

I call on Thee, as I am Thine.

I cry out welcome to thee,

Welcome to the Powers and Principalities!

With the Fruits of the Earth I welcome Thee,

With sweet scented incense in the Air I welcome Thee,

With the warmth and light of the Fires within my Hearth and Heart I welcome Thee,

With cool and refreshing and holy Water I welcome Thee!

Hail and Well Met and Blessed Be!

~ Pax 2007~

~ed. 2010~

And so now I am off to Dinner and to contemplate poetry and spirituality and how best to work and Work and how to engage in Service in order to help to bend that famous and much talked about moral arc of the Universe towards justice..

Peace,

Pax / Geoffrey

 

Notes from the Journey: Daily Practices and forgiveness

On By PaxIn Blame Sannion, everyday, Love Unto All Beings, Notes on the Journey, spiritual practice2 Comments

Hello Dear Friends,

So the scent of Lavender incense wafts through the apartment as the Laundry machine rumbles and I sort some laundry into appropriate places and piles…  I sip my coffee and breathe into my Center and contemplate my journey and journal…

I have started listing a whole bunch of things in my, until recently, on-again off-again journal/diary; the categories are based on things I desire to do with my time and life…

I note when I wake up, what work hours if any I have, the date (or when I work the overnight the dates), and the moon phase.

Then it’s on to the categories of activity I am increasing my awareness of and working on including in my life..

Prayer: any and all formal prayers like my 8 virtues prayer and the ‘Who is this Flower above me’ prayer are listed, as well as some notation if I engaged in any other prayer that day…

Energy: any basic energy work or magickal exercises are listed here… splatter vision, dropped attention, grounding, basic centering, sheilding, …. sometimes Soul Alignment work although that usually flows into

Chakra & CLF: Any work with my Chakras and the Cleansing Life Force exercise variations that I practice, my variation on the CLF seems to also work to align my Soul… although I occasionally experiment…

Meditation: here I list the type and how long I meditated… if I did, still exploring why I have such trouble stilling myself… perhaps its the lack of,

Physical Excercise: At this stage anything beyond my all too sedentary routine counts… went shopping and walked through the grocery store?  Counts.  Walked around the block for a cup of coffee or whatever?  Counts…

Nutrition: Everything I eat or drink in a day… whatever it is… no judgements just recording…  food and beverages; I have also been studying up on proper nutrition and trying to change my diet, but even when I am off the wagon at least I am maintaining my awareness of what I am consuming so I can go back and go…”Wow, ok last week was a carb-a-palooza… why?!”

Writing: I have identified writing as an activity the nourishes and nurtures my spirit, so even if I just am able to shoot off an e-mail I include it here although I am trying to make space in my day where I sit and write… even if it’s just jotting down lines or ideas or making a list…

Professional Development: This is where discussions with my manager about training or the company, or work on my L:inkedIn profile or Resume or other professional life related work goes…

Journaling: Separate from writing because this is recording observations on any of the above that strikes my fancy or writing down ideas.

~~~~~~

Now I rarely get everything done each day.  I am happy that, with the exception of one day I slacked after having a very busy 22 hour day, I have been journalling almost everything I’ve eaten in the last couple of weeks and that I have been writing keeping track of all of the above daily.

This is where the forgiveness comes in.  See in years past when I have tried to change or improve things I would tend to despair and give up at the first mis-step or the first few times I failed to follow through on my wishes for more exercise or healthier eating… or to establish regular spiritual practices.

One of the lessons I have learned is that it is not about succeeding in the 1st or 2nd or even the 32nd try… it is about returning, again and again, to those things that nurture and nourish us in body and soul and help us along the path to where we want (or need) to be.  Instead of despairing or giving up or telling myself that I am a fuck-up or a failure or that I can’t do it… instead of all that doom filled negative self-fulfilling prophesying; I write, I smile, I breath and I remind myself that the fear and the doubt are honest reactions but that they do not define me… I look at the entries and I ask myself the why’s and wherefore’s of my actions and reactions.

I see for example that I am rather good at finding ways to include energy work, prayers, and chakra work in my day; physical exercise is another matter.  This leads to questions and contemplation of my motivations, my living situation, and the many many influences affecting my life right now.

I feel like I have finally flipped the bird to the overculture and am begining to live in a way that will help lead me to a healthier and more authentic and prosperous future.

So that is what is working for me right now.

What in your life and practice and journey is working for you?

Peace,

Pax

Spiritual Practice and notes on the Journey 10/08/10

On By PaxIn Blame Sannion, everyday, Notes on the JourneyLeave a comment

Hello dear friends,

So I have been diving into my spiritual journey and Witchcraft later. As a part of my headlong dive I am writing out a new personal Book of Shadows… and contemplating what notes and ideas I would pass on to another if I am ever asked to teach Witchcraft to others.
One of the things I am working on is a note about The Great Work of Magick…

The Great Work

By now you may have heard or read of The Great Work of Magick.

The Great Work of Magick is work in every aspect of our selves and lives seeking not only personal excellence, and the discernment and development of our personal will, and the discernment and alignment with our True Will; but through all of these other quests seeking a greater engagement, and allignement, and interaction with the Numinous Divine that is at once in ourselves and within every atom and cell of creation.

The doors to the Temple of Delphi are said to have been inscribed with the phrase “Know Thyself”.

Not merely ‘Know your place as you are about to enter the house of a God.’ but also, ‘Know yourself, your thoughts, you feelings, your motivations, your needs, your desires, your strengths, your weaknesses; know these things that you might know your truest and best path in life and in proper allignment with the rightful unfolding of the Universe around you.

That is some of the Great Work of Magick.

I am also working out some notes on Spiritual Practice…. which is the focus of the CUUPS podcast episode 8 by the by…

I am still sorting out my notes on Spiritual Practice and Witchcraft… but a few short sentences about the topic are…

Meditation is the act of regularly seeking to listen too or look for The Holy Powers.

Prayer is engaging in regular, conversation and communication with The Holy Powers.

Ritual is both celebrating with, and celebrating our relationships with The Holy Powers.

Magick is working to change ourselves and the world around in collaboration with The Holy Powers.

I would welcome some comments, ideas, and observations from folks..

Peace,

Pax

Regarding a couple of classics…

On By PaxIn Blame Sannion, Bouncing off the Gods, Chrysalis, Love Unto All Beings, Notes on the Journey, Pagans of Note1 Comment

Dear Friends,

There are a couple of very eloquent and talented writers in the Pagan community who I see regularly on a particular online forum.  Learned gentlemen whose writings are reputed to be some of the sharpest and most intellectually convincing and heartfelt explorations of Pagan thought and polytheology.  Unfortunately my heart and mind tend to slam shut at the sight of their noms-de-Pagan.

This is because the very first place I encountered them is in the comment stream of a popular Pagan blog, where they are both frequently found pouring out their anger and bitterness and venom towards Monotheism in general and Christianity in particular.  Although in light of recent event over the last few months they have been throwing dog dirt upon Islam as well.  Anyone who disagrees with them, no matter how gently or politely,  is subjected to their ridicule and scorn; if the objector is Pagan then the legitimacy of their particular religious path and their basic intelligence are called into question.  In their ongoing campaigns of vitriol they will cherry pick their examples from the worst of human behavior in whatever form of Christianity or Islam or Monotheism they are currently attacking; or the particular form of religion/Paganism of those who dare disagree with either of these theoretically august personages.  When they are not insulting the intelligence or character of their detractors they will be found busily and casually ignoring any evidence or examples that counter their examples or might contradict their passionately proselytized prejudices.

They have given me a lot to think about and I am once again contemplating why it is that I have such a powerful emotional response when the two of them start writing about other religions, mainly but not limited to monotheistic ones. My reaction is often one of not just no, but a sometimes very angry “Oh Hell to the No!”

In my anger and outrage I have sometimes gotten rude and petty and pissy, again I apologize to them.

The more I think about it the more I have realized that when one of the two of them starts to vent their, admittedly well written, spleen on the topics of monotheism the two of them remind me of nothing so much as Jerry Fallwell or Fred Phelps or Anita Bryant or any of the many others who have tried to tell me all my life that as a Gay man I am evil and vile and worthless and without worth and value and values and that I don’t deserve the same basic legal rights as others.  There is the exact same sort of righteous anger, and venom. The same willingness to deeply research matters as long as the facts they find match their preconcieved notions, and to casually sweep aside anything that is counter to their set opinions. There is the exact same cruelty and condescension to any and all who disagrees with them, and the same willingness to comdemn them as wrong or suspect of representing “the enemy’. There is the same eagerness to force their opinions onto others no matter what it takes. The same willingness to play the martyr card the second that the system or popular opinion isn’t playing in their favor. The same sort of tactics, the same sort of fanatic zeal, the same sort of hatefullness, and the same sort of bigotry.

Then again the two of them aren’t all that much like any of the fanatics I’ve named, after all neither of them has ever showed the courage of your convictions to attach their legal names to their little opinion pieces, either int heir comments on other blogs or on their own. They are content to cower behind pseudonyms while spraying their negative opinions about like a cat marking its territory.

I do take comfort in the fact that for many, although admittedly not all, of the readers of the forums they comment in they represent the same sort of place within Paganism, that Fred Phelps or the Church of Christ Aryan occupies in Christianity.   So I shall let them spout their hatred and vent their spleens.

I shall pray for them.   I shall strive to resist the urge to give in to my own shock and outrage at their slings and arrows with the shaking of fists or giving them the attention and reaction they so desperately crave.   I remain content in the knowledge that for most Pagans the kind of bigotry, pettyness, and anger that they represent are absolutely NOT what the many Paths of Pagans Movement are about.

Still praying the prayers of Peace,

Pax / Geoffrey Stewart