Libertas, Tiananmen Square, and Me

Dear Friends,

So this years Nobel Peace Prize winner has dedicated his award to the memory of those who died in the June Fourth Incident, as the  Tiananmen Square massacre is known inside China.  It took me a while to decipher the reasons why this news stirred my heart.  Since that time, the Chinese government has done what they can to block the incident or otherwise discredit the ceremony.   When this news broke in early November, though, I was transported back in time….

21 years ago, 1989, the Summer between my Junior and Senior year of High School.  Technically speaking I wasn’t really a Pagan or a Witch yet…  and yet… from early childhood I had had a fascination with stories of magic and the occult and E.S.P. and folklore and mythology.  From the time I got a couple of fill-in-the-blanks word/spelling workbooks with the stories of the Greek and Roman gods started  my fascination with Ancient Greece, which was later aided and abetted by my passionate love of Wonder Woman tv show; I had immersed myself in mythology and folk-lore and stories of the unexplained and such, and if there had been a book in any of my school libraries on such topics I had read it.

My family didn’t go to Church or anything…. we prayed at the Holidays but I wasn’t Churched growing up except for a couple of Christian Summer School experiments that I think Mom and Dad tried out because they felt I should get some species of religious education.  While I am sure that the Baptist Afternoon Bible Summer School must have spoken of God’s Love, all my A.D.D. blessed brain caught a hold of was the whole tow-the-line-or-go-directly-to-Hellfire-and-Brimstone-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-$200 part of the theology…; this left young Geoffrey with some issues with Christianity and organized Religion!  I had begun skirting the barest edges of metaphysical and magickal practices from readings in the folklore and Mysteries of the Unexplained Woo Woo readings I had done over the years.  It hadn’t really yet occurred to me that there were other games in town OTHER than Christianity/Judaism (which, since I didn’t know one could convert to, I considered myself wholly ineligible for)/Islam;  I had yet to start reading any Daoist or Buddhist books, that would come later….

Like many people of my generation I found great hope and inspiration in the early days of the coverage of Tienanmen Square, people finding their voice and demanding redress of their grievances from their government…. as a young man born in 1972 and raised with all the patriotic fervor of the U.S. Bicentennial floating about and the (admittedly rose-colored and simplistic) emphasis on U.S. History and Americana and Democracy etc. etc…  how could I not feel moved by the happenings across the Pacific from my homeland of Alaska U.S.A.?

Then, then I saw Her.  It was not simply that they had raised a statue resembling Lady Liberty, although that did stir my soul, but that they outright named Her as Goddess… The Goddess of Democracy… I did not know then that Lady Liberty who stands beside the golden door is meant to represent Libertas…  Yet, something about the fact that people all over the world were being enthralled and inspired by the struggle for freedom and inspired by the image of The Goddess of Democracy, stirred within my mind the idea that the ancient Gods and Godesses were still abroad in the world, stirred my senses and struck chord in my heart and soul and knocked upon the doors of my perception.  It was a deep and abiding and everlasting and celestially symphonic chorus of…

“Yes!  Yes, yes, oh Sweet, oh Divine, oh Glorious; Yes!!!”

…that rang forth from and within my every dancing atom and singing cell.   The swift winged winds of change blowing through my soul, inspiring me and stirring a sea change deep within me.  Even though I didn’t have the language for it at the time, and even though I did not formally start my studies or formally separate myself from the mainstream or from the presumed Judeo-Christian matrix of my late 20th Century U.S. upbringing until a few years later, I can honestly say THAT was the exact moment I truly became a Pagan.

What about you?  When did you say YES?

Peace, and Curiosity,

Pax


PS- after this post was written and posted, a series of posts entitled “My life with (some of) The Holy Powers and The Spirits” started trickling out of me, and this post was too obviously a part of that NOT to be included… for ease of cross referencing Links to the other articles discussing the characters in my life’s Divine and semi-Divine Dramatis Personae will be included below as the posts are written…

Intro

Libertas (this post)

The Witches Goddess

The WitchFather

The Morrigan

Hecate

Dionysus

The Honored and Beloved Dead

Spirits of the World Around Us

Do you believe in Magick?

Dear Friends,

So as I dive into my Solitary ‘bootstrap’ Witchcraft, guided by years of experience and practice and study and some direct teaching and a whole lot of indirect teaching…  I find myself thinking about Magick, trying to define it for myself and the whole how it works and what it really does.  I was thinking about this recently as I contemplated the idea of explaining Magick to other folks….. including the secular humanists and the atheists out there, like some of the fine folks at my U.U. Church…

“So you believe that if you rub this oil into this green candle somehow money is just going to come your way?!”

“Well, no… and yes… and well, just how much time do you have right now cause it’s really kind of complicated?!”

~one of the many scenarios that plays out in my fertile imagination….

Before we get too deep here I should point out that this post has been languishing until I was re-reminded of the this clip from the movie Ink, posted by Sannion who was posting a brief post about Magic over at The House of Vines… but I prefer this version…

… for reasons that may become clear soon.

One of the things I am going to try and avoid is the whole science hasn’t figured everything out/trying to justify it discussion.  I think that aspect of trying to define it is in the end a side-track.

I am also, for this discussion, set aside the whole changes in consciousness, changing the universe around us according to our will, set of discussions… those of you who have looked into magick are familiar with them (or should be!) and for my purpose tonight (as I write this) it is another sidetrack.  I don’t merely believe in magick, I experience it and practice it.  The word practice is a key component in understanding what is going on with magick.

Magick is a Spiritual Practice, more ornate and complicated than either seated meditation or visualization/meditation upon the Chakra’s, perhaps, but not as shocking or superstitious as some like to paint it.  I would also at this juncture like to point out that there seem to me to be two ways of approaching this practice.

The Non-theistic or Atheistic approach, where in practicing magick you are accessing the hidden powers of the mind and dealing with powerful psychological archetypes underlying all of human understanding.

The Theistic approach, where you are accessing the hidden powers of the mind and soul to attune and communicate and work with the Holy Powers of Creation.

Both approaches work, and both are right.  (Of course I say that last as a wildly Theistic, heck I AM Polythesitic, Witch.)

Magick as a spiritual practice works on many levels and accomplishes many things.  To better explore this practice, I am going to divine it into 4 parts, based upon the 4 Powers of the Sphinx… also known as the Witches Pyramid… To Know, To Dare, To Will, and To Be Silent

TO KNOW

First we start to learn and absorb the ideas and theories and philosophies of Magick.  Learning about the techniques of meditation and visualization and ritual and divination/discernment.  We learn about the symbols and their meanings and associations. Ideally we are learning or reexamining things like History and Psychology and Environmental Science and Literature and well all of learning.

We begin placing/associating everything in our lives with the structure and relationships provided by the particular cosmological filing cabinet of our particular magickal/religious framework.  We start a journey where we more deeply explore our inner world and its connection to the outer world.  Starhawk writes of the Acrostic Eye, the way of looking at the world through the lens of magickal practice and Witchcraft.  Seeing alternative and often hidden meanings and connections in the world around us.

This is where we begin to grow in our self knowledge as we begin to learn how we relate not only to these symbols but the the qualities and ideas and aspects of the world around us that relate to the particular symbols.

TO DARE

This is where we actually begin practicing.  We perform our rituals and engage in meditation and divination.  Some of us on the Neo-Aquarian frontier cast spells…  sometimes this is as far as folks get… this is a tricky and seductive stage in our development as magickal practioners.

If we are really paying attention to both our studies and the alternative ways of knowing and understanding the world that the Acrostic Eye can provide, we also dare to do something else.  We begin to act in accord with our spells.  If you are doing a spell for prosperity and money, then you act in accord by polishing up your resume and putting in extra hours at work and watching what your spending.  You dare to believe in magick and give it as many avenues in your life to work itself out as you can.

Like the old joke about how if you want to win the lottery, you have to buy a ticket?  It’s true whether you are talking about prayer or magick.
TO WILL

With the increased understanding of ourselves, our motivations, and desires, and strengths, and weaknesses, there also comes an increase in our personal effectiveness in getting what we want.  At the same time we are also getting better at understanding what we REALLY want versus what we think we’d like or what others have told us we want.  We become more centered and effective human beings.  Our personal will power grows as we decide what we really want and begin to work magickally and mundanely to accomplish this.

While we are doing this, we are also opening ourselves up to a deeper relationship with the world around us;  with other people and, for the wildly theistic amongst us, with all the Holy Powers of the world.   Alongside the increased and altered understandings of ourselves and the world around us, and the increase in personal effectiveness and the development of our personal will ~ if we are serious about our practice and diligent and maybe a little lucky~ we begin to perceive and align ourselves to our True Will.

Will, with a capital “W”, as being an ongoing effort to live from moment to moment a path of action in perfect harmony with Nature or the Universe; to seek ones ultimate Destiny.

~ As I’ve mentioned once before...

TO KEEP SILENT

“You mustn’t speak of magick, for secrecy increases power!”

~usually said in that serious and breathless mock spiritual tone meant to imply that the speaker is just simply seething with occult power and has access to vast spiritual wisdom, and on very, very, very rare occasions they actually are and do.

… a lot of times though they may as well have Makita stamped across their foreheads.

And, well, yes it sometimes can but it can also sometimes really complicate things… life is like that.

This is not only where I am going to possibly lose those atheists and secular humanists, but also where things get a little complicated and messy.  This is the point that a lot of definitions or explanations of magick get hung up on…up to this point everything has had some reasonable or rational or psychological or positive visualization or well an every day explanation.  Then something happens.

Some piece of magick you do, some momentary perception, something goes beyond your ability to cite coincidence, you can’t rationalize it and the whatever it is sinks deep into your psyche and self and world view and the universe cracks open a little, this is where magick really begins to work.

Something happens and you experience something that you can try to explain and struggle to find the words for but you can’t, because religious and spiritual mysteries have to be experienced they can’t be explained.  I know, I’ve tried, and failed.

That’s why the fourth power is To Be Silent, not because secrecy builds power (see above) but because there are things in life and in Spiritual Practices that you can only experience but never really explain.  The only ones who can really understand are those who’ve shared your experience or similar ones.

The other mystery here, other than the whatever it is that brings you to this point, is that both the theistic and the atheistic practitioner reaches this point… we just have very different lenses through which we view it.

Then the real Work begins…

Peace,

Pax

Technicolor Morning, a remembrance.

Dear Friends and Pagani,

So, as previously mentioned, I am re-reading and working through the journaling and meditations in Kissing The Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.

One of the journaling and thought excericises in the book relates to examining what, when, and how we are discouraged or allow ourselves to give in to fear and discouragement.  In addition to taking a moment to breath, and to examine these impulses and then move forward anyway, one of the things Thorn recommends is to find an image that inspires you and think upon it when wrestling with these moments of self-doubt or self-defeat.

Here, today, in the interest of writing again and getting of my Blogging-self’s butt, is mine.


Anchorage, Alaska.  September 2001.  It was a week or so after September 11th.

I had woken up early and taken the bus to a local tea shoppe that I was frequenting at the time.  I stepped off the bus and into Glory….

Anchorage is a town situated between the Cook Inlet and Mountains, in a glacial bowl valley.  The sun was rising from behind the mountains to the East, and there were two cloud banks, one in the sky above the mountains, and another laying low at the mountains base.  The rays of the dawning Sun were bouncing between the two cloud banks and were gently and perfectly diffused bathing every atom and cell in the Anchorage bowl in a glorious golden Technicolor light.  Shapes were more defined, colors were perfect and vivid, the light just penetrated my body and bathed my very soul in light, and hope, and a moment of Grace. Everything… Every.  Blessed.  Thing.  Looked new and clean and beautiful!

I call this the Technicolor morning and I mean it, it was like an image from a movie, the only thing missing was an orchestral and ethereal choir singing of the wonder and beauty of the world.


So these days when I feel discouraged or doubtful, I turn my mind to my Technicolor Morning.  Where do you turn your mind?

Peace,

Pax

Practicing Silence and Stillness

Dear Friends and Pagani,

So, in the midst of everything else lately, I finally made it to the Thursday Night Buddhist Meditation Group that meets at my local U.U….

Despite having written about meditation as a part of regular spiritual practice, and despite having regularly meditated in the past, and despite knowing the importance and benefits… I have a very noisy mind, and a great deal of trouble cultivating stillness within myself.  I theorized that it might help to jump-start my practice, and break my noisy mind and fidgeting flesh to the twin yokes of Stillness and Silence to meditate with others.

It is, as I mentioned, a Buddhist Meditation group and they practice Vipassana (Insight) meditation in the Theraveda Tradition.  Everyone sat in a circle of chairs in the Church library.   We went around the circle and each of us checked in for the week or introduced ourselves.  Then we meditated for 25 minutes.  Then there was a short reading on the topic of Non-Attachment to Ideas and Beliefs.  (here, and here, for more)

“Then we meditated for 25 minutes…”

Strange how simple it sounds…

You sit,still, silent.  You should avoid moving, except for a slight movement if you start to feel some pain in the body you may mindfully shift position to relieve the pain.  Your are silent, and focusing on your breathing, striving to keep it quiet. I settled into my oft turned too pattern of in-through-the-nose, and out-through-the-mouth.

Your mind may wander, and that is o.k., when it does so you are to let those thoughts go and return to your breathing, and the silence, and the stillness.

I thought I was relaxed.  The lights were turned down low and there was a tea-light candle lit to help even out the amount of light in the room.  I was seated with my arms at my sides and my, incredibly sore and work-tired-and-tense, feet up on a Zafu.  Then we started…

My throat was the first part of my body to seemingly rebel against  the program.  The muscles in it felt like they desperately wanted or needed movement and speech!  I swallowed a few times, trying to let this strange sensation just be and relax my throat and remember my breathing.  My mind, however, wandered into thoughts of how much I speak during the day… how often I fill silence with speech, even when alone, rather than just thinking… and it’s usually stuff that on some level is meant to distract me from feelings or thoughts I am uncomfortable with… I fill my days with so much noise…

Then I realized that those were thoughts and I returned to my breathing and stillness and silence.  In through the nose, and out through the mouth.  Focusing on my breath and letting the rhythm of send me back to stillness and silence… then I started… somewhere along the way I had almost lulled to sleep!

I carry tension with me so much of the time!  I am hardly ever really, really relaxed unless I am going to bed or asleep.  When did I stop relaxing… was it related to the deterioration of my recently ended relationship with The Big Guy?  What about….

Those are thoughts….

In through the nose, out through the mouth.  In, and, out.   Breath.  Stillness.  Silence.

My ears feel stuffed up, or, is that a ringing?  My life is so filled with noise, in the absence of it do I simply find ways to create it?  What is it that causes me to flee…. and I am thinking agian…

Nose.  Mouth.  Breath. ???

Stillness and silence and quiet and calm.

I didn’t sit in the hand of Goddess or anything, but I was able to reach a place of Deep Peace and calm, I still fidgeted a bit, but it was the mindful repositioning rather than thinking and reacting about it; and with mindfulness and attention, a sense of clarity and calm and quiet.

I did not fall into the Silence and Stillness so much as dive struggling into it, like trying to reach the bottom of a pool full of pudding, but I found some small measure of …calm.

After the after meditation discussion, I continued to have a feeling of deep peace and calm and joy.  I decided to drive home without turning on the car radio… I enjoyed a measure of silence…

I haven’t sat in full meditation in the last couple of days… but I have… reached into the memory and experience of it?  Focusing on my breath for a little while and trying to resettle to cloak of quiet and calm upon my shoulders once more.

I think that I shall sit tonight, at the close of the day… I wonder if my mistake before was to try and sit at the beginning of the day when my monkey mind is all unruly and…. those, are thoughts…

Peace,

Pax

Synchronicity, Breathing, and being Open

Dear friends, and fellow Pagans,

So the Big Guy has been sick in the Hospital for the last week, he’s home now, and well.  But I didn’t want to talk about it.  Not even to close and dear old friends, not even with the Gods….

…I didn’t pray, I was too afraid, to paralyzed by fear and a desperate sense or powerlessness, to surrender my fear over unto the Gods…

Well, I didn’t formally pray…

It was more of a constant draining worry and fear that I did my best to hold at bay by remembering to Breath in Life and to open myself to the Numinous.

Since I am now so aware of it being there I am slowly learning to keep myself open to it.  There are times when I am tired, often in pain, and working myself into a fine emotional mess and I will simply remember to take that breath, and to open heart and soul and mind to the Holiness of the All That Is.

I am still kicking myself for not praying, or lifting up a phone and calling folks, but with fear sometimes comes stupidity!  Or as a wise man once put it…

“Fear is the mind killer,

Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration

I will face my fear

I will permit it to pass over me and through me

And when it has gone past,

I will turn the Inner Eye to see its path

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing

Only I will remain.” ~(c) Frank Herbert

So, as I was trying to say before one of my frequent digressions…

Breathing and being open to the Numinous have become an unavoidable part of my journey these days.

I truly believe that if we open ourselves to it, to the Numinous, the Gods, and The All That Is, that the Holy ones still speak to us Pagani; just not always in the ways we are expecting Them to!

For example…

I have found many blog entries, and rediscovered some writers, lately, that speak to me of being open to Spirit or to the Numinous… (here, here, here and here for instance)

There have also  been some synchronous moments where I choose to believe the Divines decided to give me a little nudging advice… like when I first became aware of the Numinous and the first song I heard on the radio was Miley Cyrus’ The Climb, and recently before facing a particularly BS filled day at one of the part time jobs… Lady Gaga’s Pokerface popped up twice on two very different stations on my morning commute, so I smiled, struggled to remember to breathe, played it cool, and resisted the urge to slap the baditude out of a number of folks.

I had the chance to use a Birthday Gift Certificate recently and purchased Kissing The Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle.  This is an excellent book and it has helped me find, and rediscover, some of the practices that nourish my soul.  Like remembering to breath…

“Air is the conduit for life and all connection.  We breathe together, conspiring.  We breath with the Gods, inspired.  We create, we rest, we play, and we work, all on the rhythm of our breath.  Each time we inhale, we breathe in life.  Each time we exhale, we breathe out connection.  All living things share in the power of air.

We are trained out of proper breathing by tension, fear, and disconnection from our physical bodies.  To breathe properly, we must get in touch with our bodies.  Whether you are an intellectual, an athlete,  a homebody, or an avid outdoors lover, awareness of the physical is paramount to living fully.  To be in touch with Nature, we can begin by looking at our physical selves.” ~ T. Thorn Coyle, Kissing the Limitless (c) 2009

Actually even though I am still in the midst of reading it I took the liberty of adding it to my recommended reading list.  In this book She presents a number of practices and exercises that people of any spiritual or magickal tradition could take up in their individual quests.  I cannot reccomend this book enough!

In addition to proper breathing, and openness, I have been inspired by this book to begin expanding my Daily and Regular Practices…

I have been starting small, getting up a little early and trying to just sit in silence for a while… not really meditating… just sort of being still and quite and just being… but not worrying if my mind wander… as is it’s wont!

I have prepped a candle holder and candle and will begin, once more, to meditate on the candle flame.  In addition to opening my awareness to more things, I must work on my focus in both spiritual and mundane matters.

Including why it is that I have been so afraid, in the face of the Big Guys illness, to reach out to my friends or to the Deities.  Although even as I write these words I know that it was centered in a feeling of helplessness, and hopelessness, and fear of the Worst Possible Outcomes… some of which is ingrained in me from being raised by two children of The Great Depression, one of whom probably suffered from Clinical Depression….

Yet, even knowing the background of it, my fear… I must also strive to learn from it and learn how to face it, how to handle it more sanely, in the future.  I need to keep at my spiritual journey.

I need to Breath, and to remain Open, I need to keep listening to the many different ways the All That Is speaks to me each day.

Peace,

Pax