Stream of Consciousness… Blame Sannion!

So I have recently sent out an e-mail requesting feed back and advice on this blog and its affilliated pages.

Hello folks,

I am sending this to some of my dear friends and friendly
acquaintances, and a couple of cool past correspondents,  in the hopes
of getting some advice on my site…

My blog is evolving into a combination of spiritual journal and online resource.  I am trying to build my site into a useful resource for folks new to the Pagan and metaphysical community.  I would be very grateful if you could take some time to look at the blog and the pages of the site and let me know what you think.  I am particularly interested in any additions you could suggest to the ‘Links!’ page.

Thank you, and Peace,

Sannion, of Neos Alexandria and Sannion’s Sanctuary, comes back at me with the following…

“You’ve got a really great site there.  I’d love to see focus on more personal material.  What do you do, what do you think about specific matters, what does it *feel* like to live your faith on a daily basis.  So many others cover the history or the specifics, but people need to know what it’s like from the inside out, ya know?”  ~Sannion (C) 2008 quoted w/ permission

Which I think is, perhaps, one of the more motivating and fabulous writing prompts I’ve ever seen!   (Thanks, man!)

Back to the advice..  I am debating whether to add it as a quote on the sidebar… I worry folks would think it publicity and not a blogging prompt…  Anyhow, I was moved to do some stream of consciousness writing… and then was distracted by the fabulous Kym Dragon… but here’s what poured out…


My first thought on how it *feels* to live my faith everyday is a sensory memory of how, when I sometimes feel moved to pray to the Gods, or to simply Center and Ground, everything will seem visually brighter and clearer.  The shapes seem sharper, the colors more vivid.


I tend to be a fairly wordy, mental person.  Not that I can’t get emotional, Goddess knows I can, but I tend to keep it in.  I think I have trouble sharing my feelings and experiences sometimes because of the feeling I had growing up that my feelings and experiences and thoughts weren’t seen as being as valid as those of my father or brother…

…WOW… Issues anyone?!?

(Let’s hear it folks for stream of consciousness writing and the sudden facing of one’s own buried interpersonal s***!!) ~applause!~


I was inspired, recently, to modify my way of praying.  I blame Pagan Meghan.  She spoke, in her fabulous rant on the Pagan TV Religious Literacy episode, about being inspired to add kissing her hands when she catches sight of the Sun or the Moon by something she read in the bible.

This burbled to my consciousness as I was making my regular offering of incense to the Divine…..

So… uh, yeah, blame Sannion.

The Journey goes on…

So I have been working on this site, adding links, and adding some new pages here and there, one of which is published if in continual progress.  The new page of this site is one on Daily Spiritual Practices.  An important topic and one that I can tell I needed some more reminders of.  Perhaps I should do like T. Thorn Coyle and regularly change my daily practices so they do not become routine?

On the other hand, while changing it up would help me remain mindful of my daily practice, as one blessed with ADHD routine… or at least structure, can very much be my friend…hmm… time to think on this I think!

I have also been working on an article I am hoping to sell for publication.

I am also now engaged in a permanent part-time position (hooray!) which in the theme park world is a lot better than being a seasonal employee.  Money is still desperately tight, but then I am not alone in that this Solsticetide Season.

Sunday will bring with it the Anniversary of Pearl Harbor and an opportunity to honor some of The U.S. fallen heroes, and those who currently stand guard over our freedoms.  While I may disagree with how we got into one of the Wars we are in, I will never hesitate to honor those who serve in the armed forces.

The Full Moon follows next week, with an opportunity to observe some aspects of my own personal Solstice observances.  Which I also need to think about in the near future.

Off to think and to bed!

Peace, and Blessed Be!


As Goddess is my Witness…

Hello folks,

The Big Guy and I are in our 30’s and given the current lifespan we have 30 to 50 years left together. I would like to spend at least some small portion of that time married (or something close) to the man I love. The thing is that Prop 8 passed in California, and Amendment 2 passed in Florida. Marriage as One Man – One Woman is becoming the law of the land in many states. Two of my dearest and oldest friends are no longer legally wed, though they have been together for well over a decade.

I could say a lot right now, about how hurt I feel, or how disheartening this is. I could reference the discussion my Partner and I have had about moving to Canada; comparing and contrasting the thriving economy and the legality of Gay marriage and the affordability of health care Up North with the much more dismal situation here in the States. (and before someone starts I would HAPPILY pay higher taxes to ensure health care for myself ~ as it is I have spent most of my adult life with no insurance or health care at or below the poverty line, I AM the working poor that the candidates like to talk so much about, so don’t start with me!)

I could question why so many denominations of Christianity and Judaism, among other Religions, that have no problem whatsoever with Gay marriage are NOT filing suit against such laws as violations of their Constitutional Freedom of Religion?!?

I could discuss at length the irony present (and my personal outrage) in the fact that some of the same people who helped organize these laws against gay marriage were, until yesterday, supporting an Adulterer and Oath breaker as their Presidential Candidate. Oh, all-right, actually here I will indulge a little…

If John McCain chose, freely and of his own will to break his marriage oath to his first wife and to his God, why in heavens name should I trust him with the Presidential Oath of Office?

(and, again, before anyone starts with me, I wondered the same blessed thing about President Clinton during that whole semen-stained Lewinsky debacle only I wasn’t blogging at the time, just mouthing off)

I could spend a lot more time on any of those topics, and have briefly but therapeutically vented on one of them, but no more. I would only get needlessly upset and distracted from my cause.

That cause is Civil Unions, or Domestic Partnerships, or what-ever-you-wish-to-call-them-but-I-want-them-A.S.A.P! I want to see some legal rights and protections for Gay and Lesbian couples and I will cheerfully move heaven and earth and to see it happen in my, and The Big Guy’s, lifetime!

Peace, Love, and Damn the Man!!


Holding my breath at a cross-roads

I have held back from a lot of things in the last year.  Persuing job opportunities, speaking (or writing) my mind here, I have held back from working magick and prayer for fear of failure … or more accurately dissapointment.  I am realizing, though, that holding oneself back is no way to live ones life.

Especially as a Witch and a U.S. citizen I know from the lessons of History and Life, that nothing good is not worth fighting for!  If I am to continue to enjoy my Freedoms of Religion and Speech, then I need to excercise them with every fiber of my being and every moment of my day.

Samhaintide has brought with it the U.S. Presidential elections.  My partner, The Big Guy (6’8″ tall and a husky Wisconsin lad), and I have actually talked about the idea of moving to Canada if McCain and Palin win…

I have written elsewhere on this blog about Religio Americana and my love of Country.  I voted early.  I have tried to stay informed, but I have hesitated to speak out, to put more energy into supporting Obama and the Democrats.  Partly my poverty has interferred with my ambitions, in this as in so many other things.

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about the idea of emigrating away in the face of tyrrany and corruption I see present in the current administration and any possible Republican successors.  Mind you a few years ago I saw myself as more of an old-school Barry Goldwater conservative… the times, they are a-changin.  As a gay man, and a Pagan, a McCaine/Palin America is a scary and potentially deadly place for me and my beloved.

The Big Guy and I discuss moving, and mostly I am willing.  I am tired of waiting for equality, for justice, for fairness.

There is, however, that part of me that has pledged alliegance to the Flag and the Country for which it stands… the part of me that is heir to the Great Work of Democracy wrought so many years ago in Philladelphia, the part of me who is the beneficiary of the sacrifices made at Valley Forge, at Bull-Run, at Verdun, and at the Bulge; the part of me whose very life and freedom were secured by the dead at Arlington…

That part of me says, “No.”

The Founding Fathers were willing to live and die for the cuase of Democracy, of Freedom.  So many soldiers gave given of their safety and security and even their lives for this Nation.  I am not willing to give up on the United States.

I know that the U.S. has not always lived up to the ideals set forth in our founding documents, our nation has had mighty growing pains and fought a bloody civil war in working towards those ideals.  I believe, with all my heart, that now, in a time of dire threats, is NOT the time to set aside these ideals in the service of expediency.  I know that Extraordinary Rendition, and secret trials, would sicken and disgust the founding fathers, and mothers.

I pray, tonight, that I will not have to make a decision about moving, that Lady Liberty may shine her torch and illuminate in the hearts and minds of us all the best path to Truth and Justice, that our Nation may be led by a man of honor and integrity and not one who seems to be guided by the same spirit of expediency guiding the current regime.



A random thought on the gifts of giving this Samhain Season

I took part in a public moon circle last year where we were supposed to banish qualities we were done with in our lives and do magic to bring qualities of thought or personality we were ready for in our lives to fruition.

But ,really, isn’t that just what seemingly every. single. blessed. Pagan open Event,  Circle or Sabbat working or rite seems to end up being about?!.

Now I now that the above scenario doesn’t describe recon Pagan workings, or a variety of Witchcraft Trad workings, but the whole pushing something bad and pulling something good working as a focal point of the right seems to be a dominant theme in open events in the Pagan community.

I’d love to put together a public rite someday where the participants write down things that they love doing, creative and fulfilling things, and burn the pieces of paper offering their next such project to the Goddess and God.

That is it.   No asking for anything in return, just giving, sharing, a treasured part of oneself with the Divine.  No asking or bargaining, just giving a little bit of the best of ourselves to Them.  Maybe then the Pagan community could start looking at one another with more of a community minded eye…

The Mirror of my Contemplation…

~Pax talks about getting personal and getting political~

The title comes from a something I wrote years ago…

Mother Light : a prayer by Geoffrey Stewart

Late at Night

I sit listening to Ancient Gospel Blues records on the radio

Stewing in my own anger and resentment

My mind awash with bitter, doom-filled thoughts

Barely able to stir myself to light a candle.

~Trying to light my way back to balance

Trying to light my way back to the Center

Mother, Light my way back home.~

The candle’s light flickers in the mirror of my contemplation

I find myself scrying visions of my past

Learning from and Laughing at my younger self

Finding myself, hoping I will know better next time,

Next lifetime, heck I’d settle for

Knowing better next week!

~Trying to light my way back to balance

Trying to light my way back to the Center

Mother, Light my way back home.~

Burning away the strangely serious Pains of the Past

Immersing myself in the cloudy cold waters of renewal

Gasping for breath as I struggle to surface from within myself

Barely able to stir myself to light the Candle.

~Trying to light my way back to balance

Trying to light my way back to the Center

Mother, Light my way back home.~

Mother, Light my way back home.

I started blogging as a form of Spiritual journal (or perhaps journey?), something about blogging it into the computer and putting these thoughts and feelings and experiences of mine out into the ether of the internet somehow keeps calling to me to write on it and return to it.  This is the longest running spiritual journaling I have done.  I have made some friends and acquaintances through it and I have learned about myself from working on it.  I intend to continue to work on it, but I am also realizing some things…

Chrysalis is about my spirituality and my life journey.  I have hesitated sometimes to discuss my personal life or my political views… wanting to focus on spirituality and provide a resource for others… but my personal life and political views are a part of my life and spirituality… for me being a Witch has touched and influenced (for the better!) every aspect of my life and being.

So in future posts I will occasionally be getting more political and more personal.  I felt like giving some fair warning.



An Ectstatic dipping of my toeses in gnosis

Have you ever taken some time to dance in a rainstorm?

The touch of the racing zephyr’s on my body, the pinpricks of cool cleansing invigorating rain on my flesh.  Swaying with the breezes and letting my hands and arms move with and through them, not entirely trusting my footwork or footing.  I find myself humming and muttering fragments of unknown song in salutation to the Wind, the Water, and the Divine.

I have a few days between the (sort of) end of one job, the definite end of one phase in my life, and the start of a new one.   So I am at home in an ongoing rain.  The rain is the touch of and after effects of a tropical storm that has been fairly mild in my area of Florida… others got hit harder I hear but where I am it’s just a fed days of ongoing rain of light to medium intensity and not that much in the way of wind.

Wind and Water dancing across the peninsula.  I dance with them, and Them.  Stretching muscles both physical and metaphysical that I haven’t worked out with in far too long.  Opening to the power of the rain, the flow of wind and water and a literal flood of life and energy.  I feel as on some level like I used to when first turning my face to the February sun after a long Alaskan Winter.

Renewed, Reinvigorated, Reborn.

Believing, knowing, that the Gods are a part of every atom and cell of creation means that this rain has a touch of the primal divine within it.  So I threw on a bathing suit and went outside and dance in the rain a while.  Not for long, partly because without music it is difficult to keep dancing…. although now I find pieces of poem and song wandering through my mind… perhaps I shall pursue them and write later.

Opening, like a flower

Unfolding like a story,

Where do I end, where does the rain begin?

I am trying to reopen and renew my spiritual and religious life.  I have performed ritual and poured libations and prayed, and now danced.  What I really need is discussion and fellowship with some of my fellow Pagans, and others.  I have always found myself learning more of my own understanding of, and relationship with, the Gods by discussing with others their own understanding, relationship, and beliefs.   A part of me hungers for that.  A part of me has also hungered for… renewal, or perhaps release?  As much as I like to encourage others to do things that genuinely feed their souls, creative and sustaining things rather than things that just amuse and kill time, I have not been doing it.

Sluicing the raindrops off of me, feeling for one brief moment more genuinely alive than I have in many a day.  I reflect on the presence of Wind and Water in my life in Florida, Intuition and Healing, Inspiration and Transformation.  Speaking to myself in tongues, I dance.

Stepping outside of ones ordinary self and routine can be a powerful magick.  If you open to the experience, and use some common sense, such moments can help to teach and transform us.  It has helped me to rekindle a spark of creativity of imagination and gnosis I have lacked.  There is something powerful in dancing with the elements of wind and water as they do their thing.  A sense of inspiration and renewal and healing as you honor the elements themselves and the Divine in nature.


I know that some cynical folks might say… “yeah Pax, it’s called adrenalin!”

For me it is a moment of Magic, of Gnosis, and of Joy.  I hope that each of you has an opportunity to find your own moments in your lives, and if you do… please share them with me in the comments of this blog!



Writting it out…

So as part of a new job, I had gone to the new workplace to fill out some of the newly hired paperwork.  I was paying attention to the road, I’m in a new-to-me car that I like quite a lot.  It only took a moment.  Driving down the road… seeing something come off the hood of one of the cars in front of me… in less time than it took my mind to register that it was a windshield wiper blade that was flying towards my car, it hit.  It flew, spear-pointing into the center of my windshield.  The cracks blossomed faster than thought and at the same time in slow motion, as the window cracked crazilly, but somehow held.

I never understood the idea of being frozen by fear before, now I do.  I wasn’t hurt, and I do not feel traumatized… but I feel different.  Like I have had some sort of transforming experience that I cannot quite understand yet.  Like I need time and distance to allow this moment of transforming fear to percolate through me and see what it takes away and what it leaves behind.

The mad rush of days…

So a lot has happened in the last several weeks.

My car died in the middle of July and I am in the process of hunting down a new one, or rather another one.  Someday I’ll get a new car, right now I’m happy to settle for a reliable used car.  I have been using the LYNX public transit system here in the Orlando area and what was a 20-30 minute commute has been transformed into a roughly 2 hour commute.  My days have grown longer and more hectic as I try to keep up with my commitments while relying on the bus system.  Averaging 18 hour days and 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night has left me exhausted.

I am also grateful.  This has been a challenge and has reminded me that I am stronger than I may give myself credit for.  Able to face the challenges presented to me and to adjust myself to them.


I have also recently accepted a job offer a little closer to my home as a shift manager at a fast food place.  Slightly better pay, more hours, and a chance to be learning and growing in my restaurant management career.  These are good things, yet I am also facing the reality of being more closeted about both my Craft and my Orientation.

There was a time I would have balked at this, a lot, but I just as comming out is a continual process it is also a conscious one.  One must choose to come out for oneself, at the right time.  I can see know that sometimes there is not a good time or place in ones worklife for this decision.  Then the choice must be made to either stay closeted or change ones circumstances.

For now, in order to grow in my career, I choose to stay closeted.  Perhaps I have read the situation wrong, or understimated me new/future co-workers, but for now I choose caution.  Besides there is a certain wisdom in the old fashioned advice “don’t talk about politics or religion” (or matters in the bedroom).


Lammas has come and gone and I did not find the energy or time to honor the holiday except in my own heart.  Yet this harvest has brought some changes and growth.  It has brought reminders of my own inner strength and resourcefulness; reminders, also, of the many folks who love and support me – my many  far-flung friends and family.



About Last Night…

So last night I said a few quick prayers and poured some libations to the Lord and Lady.

The moon was full and bright and glorious.  Illuminating the nighttime landscape like some sort of great silver searchlight.  The crickets and the tree frogs hummed and chirped their almost electronic sounding chorus and the occasional bat squeeked by in the background.  I washed the pitcher I use for Libations and filled it with filtered water.  I went outside to the front yard and where the front path curves towards the drive-way and in that glorious shower of silver from the moon, I prayed.  I blessed the place, I blessed the water, and called to the Lady and the Lord in my own way.   I poured an offering to them.


I haven’t had the energy to write or do much of anything except work and puttering away on the Internet.  I need to do some creative work and some meditation!  More thoughts on creativity and sillence later…

Witches Virtues: Strength

Witches Virtues: Strength

By Pax / Geoffrey Stewart

Therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, and mirth and reverence within you.”

From The Charge of the Goddess by Doreen Valiente

Here in one simple sentence, there are eight simple words, eight virtues, and a wealth of meanings and possibilities and inspirations in a passage from the Charge of the Goddess, where She to tell us how to carry ourselves and what we should aspire towards. Today I am taking a closer look at Strength.

Let’s look at some of the definitions from our trusty dictionary…


1. The state, property, or quality of being strong. 2. The power to resist attack; impregnability. 3. The power to resist strain or stress; durability. 4. The ability to maintain a moral or intelectual position firmly. 5. Capacity or potential for effective action. …

7A. A source of power or force. B. One regarded as the embodiment of protective or supportive power; a support or mainstay. C. An attribute or quality or particular worth or utility; an asset.

8. Degree of intensity, force, effectiveness, or potency, as; A. Degree of concentration, distillation, or saturation; potency. B. Operative effectiveness or power. C. Intesity, as of sound or light. D. Intensity or vehemance, as of emotion or language.

9. Effective or binding force, efficacy; the strength of an argument.

~from the American Heritage College Dictionary, 3rd ed.

…I’ve cut out a few definitions related to economics and military terminology and card games, while interesting they don’t seem to cut to the core of what the Virtue of Strength is about; either in general or for me personally.

For myself, I find the many possibilities of what the Goddess asks of me intriguing.  Who is to say that She is narrowed down to one definition for Strength?  Physical, Moral, Intensity, … my momentary favorite is the capacity for effective action.

Here are a few other definitions of, and quotes related to, Strength for your perusal and consideration.

It is interesting to me that in my own mind when I first contemplate Strength I am drawn to the idea of emotional or intellectual or moral strengh and not to the physical.  In fact I know it was this inner strength that I sought when I first chose the Witch name Pax et Fort.

There was a time I was much less neglectful of my physicality, I was in volleyball and weight training classes in High School.

Physical strength and, by logical inference, health are important. We in the Pagan community can sometimes get so enraptured with the spiritual that we neglect the physical. This is something of a problem for those of us in the Pagan community. We all know folks who are all gung-ho about meditating and alternative healing and Reiki, but neglect to visit the doctor.

The more I think about it the more I know I need to work on my own physical Strength, and health.

A Road in the Wilderness, a Solitary Seeks…?

Hey folks,

So I’m thinking today of how I as a Witch have walked a Solitary road.  It’s not been entirely of my choosing.  When I first felt the call to Paganism and Witchcraft, or rather when I first realized Paganism was a viable religious option for me her in the modern world, I couldn’t find much in the way of out (in this case meaning findable, not necessarily public) Covens in Anchorage.  The one option I did find at the time seemed not to be the right fit for me at the time, so I walked and occasionally stumbled along on my own.

Over the years my faith has remained pretty constant, although my practice of the rituals of the faith has wavered in and out of view.  I tend to think of it, sometimes, as the danger or difficulty of being a Solitary Witch in that sometimes you can get a little lazy.  On the other hand, in the last year or so I have also come to appreciate that sometimes lighting a little incense or pouring a simple libation is all you need to do, and the Gods do the rest.

I know I am seeking fellowship, others to share the journey; fellow travelers to talk with and learn with (and from).

I know I am seeking some structure and continuity.  I am at a point right now where I do not want to do ritual for myself, I want to be able to let go and give myself up to the ritual, to ride the magic of the moment, to fully give myself to gnosis.

Gay Days and other things…

So, Gay Days at the Magic Kingdom was Saturday. This combined with the fact that Late June is the first of Florida’s Wine Grape Harvests means its a good time to Honor and remember Dionysus, Lord of Revelry and Responsibility. June also marks Gay Pride, so I am choosing to Honor both Dionysus, and my Queer heritage and Honored Predecessors (my own idea for honoring Queer ‘ancestors’) in late June.

We set out at about 8 or 8:30 and our first stop was to Burger King for Breakfast, a
Disney outing tradition my Partner, our roomate, and I have.
Then to the Magic Kingdom. We took it easy this year, it was extra
hot, and also we’ve done a lot of the rides. We did Thunder Mountain
Railroad, and Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Caribean was down for
repairs (sigh) we did our usual Carousel of Progres visit, and for
the first time went to the Hall of Presidents.

Later in the day we connected up with some friends of ours and we
changed plans midstream, going out to dinner and then meeting our
friends back at our house for cocktails and an impromptu pool party.
A couple of gay couples and some drinking a laughter… a good way to
celebrate the new holiday! (new for me anyhow)

Later on, after everyone had gone or gone to bed, I poured a
libation. Lacking wine, I used the strongly mixed Malibu and Diet
Cokes that most of us had ended the day with.

There will probably be a few more somethings for Dionysus and the Honored Predecessors this month…
not sure what yet….


I have been slacking a little in my writing and reading, but after this evening I have a couple of days off and I will be renewing my momentum then. I really have gone into what I used to think of as my Mid-Winter hibernation/introspection/quiet-time mode this Summer. As I have mentioned before the rythms of MidSummer down here in Florida is rather reminiscent of Midwinter in Alaska… you hunker down in your house, spend as little time as you have to outside (with a few exceptions) and you look forward to better weather ahead.

I am still sorting out some of my feelings about the virtue of Beauty, and my own looks. I am thinking about the next essay Strength, and my relationship with that particular Virtue.

In other news, I have recently started trying to add the Iron Pentacle exercise as outlined in Evolutionary Witchcraft by T. Thorn Coyle. It is exhilarating and a little unnerving to be doing something new with my energetic work, the Iron Pentacle is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I find myself wondering if this is a Solitary thing, or a your-mileage-may-vary, or a little bit of both?!

Also, I have been playing around with the theme for this blog, the pic in the banner is actually from Alaska of a river valley outside of Anchorage that I’ve been camping in.



~~~~~~~~ Links of Interest~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lakeridge Winery ~ Vineyard and Winery outside of Orlando, FL.; it was somewhere on their site that I first found information about Florida’s grape harvests…