Month: April 2024

Checking In 4-28-24

On By PaxIn everydayLeave a comment

Friends,

Work has been insanely busy until just recently. The sudden freeing up of time left me feeling rather out of sorts… at a loss of what to do with time I suddenly had again. Having the time and mental and emotional and physical resources suddenly freed up I am trying to do a bit more in my creative sphere. Much of my morning “me” time has been spent kind of gathering myself for the madness of my day.

I have been trying to use my spare time in a more nurturing manner than just doom-scrolling through social media. Part of this has been trying to unfollow various creators that do not fuel my peace or strengths or inspiration. In itself that could be a full time job given my ADHD as I consistently find myself with very few followers and following 1000+ accounts on many of the major sites. “Ohhh, shiny!” *clicks “follow”* I have also been trying to focus more on things that amuse and inspire to hopefully train the algorithms to not be feeding me outrage and upset.

I am well aware of things that I need to be outraged and upset about. I really don’t need to be focusing on the worry and the upset, I need to be focusing on what I CAN do about the things that are worrying and upsetting.

Maybe it is my 80s inner child, but I have been focusing on a form of Think Globally, Act Locally. In my case this has meant a few different things. Protecting my peace, as mentioned above. Seeking out some mental and spiritual nourishment. Taking care of myself physically.

That last has come up in a few different ways. As a man in his 50s my Doctor has decided it is time I got a Colon Cancer screening. We finally settled upon the test where the company mails you a box and you get to channel your inner Sharon Osbourne and send the resulting mess back in for testing. Nothing too dramatic in the results but just enough that the Doctor wants me to get a Colonoscopy. Fun, fun… although I have found the *PERFECT* shirt to wear to the clinic the day of the procedure and am looking forward to it’s arrival! (and the artists actually has a number of great shirts on their site!

I am also scheduled, in the next few weeks for an overnight Sleep Study / Mask Fitting at a Sleep Clinic as the at home Sleep Study I took indicated a major Sleep Apnea issue, that may explain a lot of my malaise the last couple of years. In between the stress & depression and the sudden weight gain.

I mentioned mental and spiritual nourishment and a few of the folks I have been listening to or reading lately have helped stir up some ideas and inspiration that I am cooking up some short pieces around, even as I struggle with the writing of some longer pieces.

Southern Bramble a Podcast of Crooked Ways (here and here)
New World Witchery
A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein (linked to their Youtube, but available all over as a podcast as well)
Conspirituality
and some of the newsletters and posts from T. Thorn Coyle

All of these have been helpful in my recent efforts at Mental and Spiritual Nutrition.

Let me know who you listen to or read when you find yourself needing a reset or to improve the mental/emotional/spiritual diet in the comments below?

Bliss, and Blessed Be,
Pax / Geoffrey

Out in the Open

On By PaxIn everydayLeave a comment

A street scene from within a theme park A tree lined street with old fashioned brick buildings in the background. Blue sky and clouds above. In the foreground stands Geoffrey an auburn haired human with dark glasses and a greying beard. He is striking a dramatic pose with arms outstretched and wears a Tee shirt with the words "when Hate is Loud Love Must not be silent" in rainbow lettering against a black background. He stands next to a much larger statue/disply of Louis Armstrong playing the trumpet.
“Laissez le bon temps rouler!” at Universal Orlando’s Mardi Gras

Friends,

Being out, being open, being present. Living ones life with integrity and joy. These things should not make one a target of vitriol or violence. Tragically they do. That they do, requires a response.

One of mine is to try and be more vocal and visible as a Queer person. For the last year or so I have made a practice of regularly wearing LGBTQ and Queer community themed Tee shirts or buttons/pins on a near daily basis. My original goal was daily, with the pins providing back up for situations where a button up shirt of some sort was called for. I wear a uniform shirt at work, so I am usually switching into that either at my car in the parking lot or in the break room at work.

As you can see from the picture above in one of the recent trips to Universal I was wearing one of those shirts. A random stranger walked past and told me they loved the shirt! I’ve gotten similar complements or friendly questions from other strangers over the last year or so. These have usually been from folks working, or shopping, at one of the two corner stores I regularly visit on my way too or from work. Some of them have, I believe, been “fellow traveler’s”, some allies, and some friendly open and curious. The moments when it is out of the blue and entirely unexpected like at a them park or the mall, where I am not a regular fixture as it were, these sparkle for me.

That sparkle comes at a cost.

I am aware that by being purposefully visibly out I am making myself a potential target of hateful words, verbal attacks, and possibly physical assault. As I’ve written about previously… I first really became aware of that fact, that in being who I was openly and in the world I could open myself up to rejection at the least and violence at the worst sometime around the age of 12. A heavy burden to bear in childhood, and one I take up once again.

Times had, I thought, changed since my teens and twenties. The moral arc of the universe had bent more towards the side of justice. Sadly there are those in the world who wish to seize that arc and twist it backwards, warping society and culture all out of recognition. There are many, many, ways to respond to this.

Many of those responses, or at least the ones from our shared Queer history the last time we were fighting for our lives, were referenced in my poem Battle Flag… Building our families of choice, building our communities, engaging in mutual aid and cooperative economics; most of all and despite our fears and the unjustified and irrational fury of others, whenever and wherever possible being out, being open, being present. Living our lives with integrity and joy.

Bliss and Blessed Be,
Pax / Geoffrey

Notes Upon The Journey: April 2nd 2024

On By PaxIn everydayLeave a comment

3/2/2024 Tuesday the Day of Mars
7:24pm Hour of The Moon cusping towards The Hour of Saturn
Waning Crescent Moon

Friends,

The Sun is beginning to set. The heat of the day giving way to a cooler evening. Breezes fluttering through the treetops. Clouds slowly sailing through from the Southwest on their way to meet the approaching wall of wind and water posturing and presenting the possibility of storms over the rest of the Southeastern U.S. today.

Offerings in the offering cups, the first full offerings poured in far too long.

The last week or so has been… complex. Not bad, just… complex. A week of major insomnia resulting in a general malaise. # to 5 hours of sleep a night or if I am lucky a couple of 3 hours sessions with an intermission of racing rambling and disjointed thoughts. Fears and memories and hopes and the ever looming and seemingly unending to do lists taking me on a nightly whirlwind waltz until I can finally collapse into a too brief slumber. The well timed application of diverse forms of vitamins and caffeine (and water) helping to keep me functional in the daylit workday world.

Last night was better and I got a good nights sleep. A delivery of supplies had arrived late at work yesterday and I ended up having to help receive it and put it away. This unexpected bit of labor has helped highlight for me that I need to be reengaging with my body. A little later this evening once the heat of the day has had a little more time to disperse into the mere warmth of the evening I will put on as few clothes as one can reasonably get away with in polite society and go for a walk!

In the month-and-a-half since I last posted one of these long going journal entries about my journey there was a lot going on actually. My Bear and I went to the theme park and enjoyed frivolity and fun and food on a couple of visits to the Mardi Gras event at Universal early in the month. Late in the month we had a quieter celebration of my birthday with a a delightful homecooked meal. Episodes of joy and fun interspersed with another ridiculously busy Spring Break season in my life as a Hospitality employee in The City Beautiful.

And in the free writing of this post, I have found myself wandering into an entirely different post. So I am going to edit and close todays entry wishing you all well and I will see you soon!

Bliss and Blessed Be,
Pax / Geoffrey