Day 14 of ? of meditation & blogging!
*end of week 2*

10 minutes 6 seconds

Friends,

So I slept very very deeply, until around 5 something am when I woke up and then puttered around online for a couple of hours before laying back to bed for another 3 hours or so. After waking up I puttered around social media some more and then set up for meditation.

Today marks the second full week of daily meditation & blogging. Among the lessons learned one is that it is very difficult to blog daily about a spiritual practice. The descriptions and analogies, naturally enough, tend to blend together and repeat themselves which is fine in a personal journal but feels somehow boring when you know there are readers? On the other hand I’ve had a number of likes, some of them repeated by the same readers on multiple posts in this series, and I’ve even had a few subscribers sign up during my current meditation and blogging adventure. I will try to vary things up a bit going forward both for my own ADHD blessed brain which craves a certain novelty in a regular practice, and for my readers.

I also did not feel the same eagerness in either the urge to meditate or to write. Even as I poked around social media and with some writing related things I found myself recognizing I was delaying today’s meditation for some reason. Had my ADHD kicked in on some level and I was no longer getting the same spark of dopamine from it that my brain requires for motivation in all things? Had the CPAP and the deep and nourishing sleep it is providing me changed me somehow? Was I just not feeling it today and would be fine tomorrow? Some over thinking ensued.

I was a bit distracted because I had a lunch date with one of my BFF’s for our regular in person socialization and nosh session for sometime after noon and after my puttering around it was around 11. I was tempted to wait until after lunch but the odds of my doing anything once I was bloated on Thai food were small.

I was procrastinating, for whatever reason. I set up my timer and my music, began them, closed my eyes and began my breaths; focusing on the breath and following it’s path, letting the background music fall further into the background as I turned my attention inward. Breaths and thoughts, the later gently noted and released. After an unknown time the thoughts became less frequent and my breathing and the flow of the air through my body came to the foreground. A few times my breaths took on a timeless quality and I felt a deep peace and calm and at the same time as if I was on the boundary or precipice of an even deeper or more profound experience… each time… like the tide lapping up against the shore and then retreated, this sense of being on the edge of…something danced away… this then resolved into an inner calm and my breaths being everything until the the timer’s soft chimes began.

I shut the music and timers down quickly and went back to puttering, then started a few attempts at today’s blogging and some notes, before my BFF called and I got ready and we went to this weeks lunch. After a brief rest to digest and catch up on a couple of vlogs I follow, I sat down to wrestle the words and had written earlier today and my notes into something. I also took some time to review the last 2 weeks of posts in this little project of mine. It feels as if some of the lessons of perseverance and the ways in which I think and react to both the thoughts and the moments of peace that come in meditation, and the ways I can use the same technique of acknowledgement and letting go in difficult situations are going to serve me well going forward.

Another thing I am learning to appreciate is that in a LOT of my past efforts at returning to writing and blogging and spiritual and magickal practice and my relationships with The Holy Powers, I have not always been kind to myself. I have often times run away from my fears and self doubts I have recognized this in the past as being a weakness or a failing, rather than a very human and common foible or folly of existence and a part of human nature that I can work on and with to then move in the direction I want or need to.

I will be working on that.

What sort of realizations about yourself or your life and behaviors have you had through spiritual practices? How did you deal with them? What did you do about them? I look forward to hearing from you in the comments.

Bliss & Blessed Be,
Pax / Geoffrey