Pouring my Soul and Spirit out on Paper

Dear Friends and Pagani,

I breathe into my Center and I begin.

So as I have mentioned a lot lately, I am working my way through T. Thorn Coyle’s book Kissing the Limitless.  My method has been to read the book, and then to start re-reading each section and exercise and to copy the Reflections and Doing The Work exercises into one of the many blank journals I had handy.   This has been of deep value to me.

Being blessed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and one of its associated minor learning disabilities ~ fine motor control problems, writing things out by hand can be a time consuming and laborious process for me.  This is a blessing in that I have to take time to read and to copy, and in some cases to do the exercises.  I am forced by this method, and by my own individual blessings and boundaries, to think and to examine the ideas and questions in this work.  Even when I have not done some of the exercises I have found a tremendous benefit to the contemplation of the questions and to the ideas behind the exercises.

In the same manner that my break up with the Ex brought not only its own pain and challenges, this also brought so many things I had told myself “oh, I’ve dealt with that…” roiling back up to the surface; so to has beginning to really DO my work, and to start seeking after my Work, allowed many things to resurface in my life.  I am praying and working with my Chakra’s daily, and I continue to hammer at the simply MASSIVE wall of inertia I have towards regularly meditating.  I have started working with the Tarot again, started writing here again, I have also been praying and offering to the God.  I have been reading other books at works about the Chakra’s and the Feri Tradition of Witchcraft, and reading things about Hellenic Polytheism and Unitarian Universalism.

Inspired by all this renewal and all of these old and new inspirations, I am creating a new personal Pagan/Witches Notebook.  I am hesitant to call it a Book of Shadows, for a few different reasons, but have yet to come up with a satisfying turn of phrase for this journal and journey.

Why not call it a Book of Shadows?  Well, the thing is it is not confined to my practice or faith as a Witch.

I am copying into this notebook poems and ritual outlines, and magickal information, and prayers from any number of notebooks, Books of Shadows (my own from over the years), and books and sources of all sorts.  So if it’s the NeoWiccan Witchcraft of my 20’s, or simply a religious or spiritually themed  poem that touched my heart, or Prayers I have found or written in my recent explorations of Hellenic Polytheism, or prayers and pledges that touch my heart as I have explored Religio Americana, or simply inspiring quotes they are going in.  If it’s the Iron Pentacle from the works and writings of Feri Tradition; or the Cabalistic Cross and LBRP, or exercises related to Chakra’s… it’s all going in there.

I am pouring the many threads and patchwork pieces of my spirituality and faith and re-budding practice out into this notebook.  Once I have them all there together I can begin to examine and explore how they fit together and how to best wrap myself up in them as I move forward in and with my life.

Now I don’t want you to think all is rosy or easy in this work.  After having taken up the habit of smoking cigars again after the break up, I am still doing it despite a lot of talking about quitting.   I have been a terrible slacker about going to U.U. Services; partly because the 11pm-7am shift makes the 10:30am Sunday Services a bit of a challenge to get to on a Sunday… and partly because over the last few weeks I’ve had a Sty in my right eye (gone now) and some species of cold or flu (still fighting it off).  Despite knowing and having experienced the benefits of meditation I have trouble breaking through my previously mentioned wall of inertia about actually Sitting.  While I have started to eat a healthier diet with … what are they called again… oh,yeah vegetables and fruits; I am still a sloth when it comes to actually going out and physically excercising, even something as simple as walking more.  I have debt, Student Loans, I need to start dealing with.  I still find myself running into situations or interactions that bring all of the old insecurity and self doubt and self loathing roilling up…


When any of these current challenges and situations starts to get the better of me.  Now I can breathe into my Center, and begin again.

There is a tremendous and slightly intoxicating freedom in that.  And that freedom comes from having taken the time to study and contemplate and do the Work.  Now if you will excuse me, I have some notes to go take and some mundane chores and work to do to help support the Work of my Spirit.


Pax / Geoffrey Stewart

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